Engaged couples spend countless hours and thousands of dollars planning their weddings, but most spend far less time preparing for the marriages that follow, say area counselors and religious leaders who offer premarital counseling.

“It’s so easy to get caught up in all that activity,” said deacon Joe Malenfant of Maumee St. Joseph Catholic Church. “Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for receptions and parties. But it’s very easy to focus on the hall, the caterer, the dress, the tuxedos, the limo and all of those things and forget that’s planning for the wedding. What we’re trying to do is plan for the marriage.”

Ryan Osier, owner of Reiso Resources, which specializes in relational counseling, agreed.

“[Marriage] takes work,” Osier said. “Couples think it will just naturally happen and that is a misconception. We will spend years and years getting our education for a career we want for 20 to 30 years, but we won’t do much for our relationships we say we want for the rest of our lives.”

Deacon Joe Malenfant of Maumee St. Joseph Catholic Church says premarital counseling is just as important as wedding planning. Toledo Free Press Photo by Sarah Ottney

Osier has spent 10 years developing a relationship assessment that helps couples see how each perceives love and their relationship.

“We don’t force couples to do it, but I have found this eliminates having to do eight to 10 sessions,” Osier said. “It narrows it down in one or two and gives you a good picture of what’s going on.”

The assessment evaluates the person on agape (unselfish or security love), eros (chemistry or erotic love) and phileo (compatibility or friendship love). Most people are naturally stronger in one area, but ideally the three will be balanced equally, Osier said.

“There’s nothing like being intimate with your friend and there’s nothing like being vulnerable to a person you are passionate with,” Osier said. “When you start bridging it all together, relationships will last through all times, stages, children, death — whatever comes your way, you can make it work.”

Just as President George W. Bush didn’t know his presidency would be defined by 9/11, no one knows what challenges their marriage will bring, Malenfant said.

“I ask couples, ‘Where was Bush on Sept. 10, 2001?’ He was in Toledo with [Mexican president] Vicente Fox and they were talking about immigration. The next day everything changes,” Malenfant said. “That’s what marriage is like. Anybody getting married really doesn’t know what the issues of that marriage are going to be. What we’re trying to do is help them build that foundation so that whatever the issue is, they can get through it.”

Many churches, including St. Joseph’s, require couples to go through premarital counseling.

“A lot of couples will come in and you can tell we’re sort of a hoop for them to jump through,” Malenfant said. “But most end up appreciating that it gave them a time to think and be reflective. I would encourage it to anyone getting married, whether it’s through the Catholic Church or wherever.”

Premarital sessions often raise issues that may be uncomfortable, but are important to discuss, such as children, finances, sexuality and faith, Malenfant said.

“My job is not to tell you to get married or not. I see my role in this as a discussion starter,” Malenfant said. “In every marriage there are issues that will probably never be resolved, so you need the good communication skills and so forth so you are able to work around them and not let them be destructive to the relationship.”

Premarital counseling also allows the officient to get to know the couple better, Malenfant said.

“It’s great because we build a relationship,” Malenfant said. “I don’t just show up and do their wedding and forget their last name or whatnot because we’ve spent a lot of time together.”

Couples getting married at CedarCreek Church go through a pre-marriage mentoring program, meeting with a married couple for several months and working through a book called “Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts” by Les and Leslie Parrott. Couples who have been married before use the book “Saving Your Second Marriage Before it Starts.”

“We’ve tried different things, but to have one couple sit down with an engaged couple, we find they open up so much more and become so much more honest,” said Donna Eoff, community care pastor at CedarCreek’s Perrysburg campus. “The mentoring couple usually makes themselves vulnerable with what they’ve struggled with in their own marriage. We’ve found the couples gain awareness and are more willing to get some help later if problems surface. They come away with a plan for how to handle things when things do go awry.”

Zak and Emily Hermiller of Perrysburg went through CedarCreek’s pre-marriage mentoring in 2011.

“My husband and I had dated for about five years before we were engaged so we knew a lot about each other, but really diving into God’s design for marriage, talking about how we’re supposed to love and respect each other and having these mentors was super impactful,” Hermiller said. “You’re communicating so much — reading the book together, answering questions separately and then going over what your answers were. It was cool to find out things about each other and come to a common ground.

“The No. 1 thing that was communicated through it was to talk to each other,” Hermiller said. “Not to go to your sister or your best friend, but to always communicate with each other first. I think that’s been huge in our relationship and our lives.”

Eoff said she wishes there had been a premarital counseling requirement when she married 45 years ago.

“I bet we didn’t even spend 15 minutes with this pastor that married us,” Eoff said. “We know we can never truly prepare someone for marriage, but we just like to plant a lot of seeds that shows them it’s a lot of work, but they don’t have to do it alone.”

Toledoans Tim and Kelly Keefer dated for two years and were engaged for two years before marrying in 2011. Neither are religious, so they met over the course of several months with Maumee-based counselor Dianne Haslinger.

“Tim and I were both older, very set in our ways, very independent,” Kelly Keefer said via Facebook. “It was going to be hard combining our worlds and we knew it. We wanted to learn the best way to become a couple and still keep our independence. … We really just wanted to learn how to make our relationship the best it could be.”

One major topic was handling arguments and disagreements, Keefer said.

“We really did already have a great relationship, with very open communication, but our fights were horrible. We could communicate great as long as everything was happy, but if something made us unhappy, we both had issues getting it across how or why,” Keefer said. “I can honestly say we have not a huge fight like we did before we saw her. It has changed our communication immensely. We definitely learned more about each other.”

Mark Haskins, vice president of program operations with Lutheran Social Services of Northwestern Ohio, said many couples decide to do premarital counseling because they want the input of an uninvolved third party. Some end up deciding not to get married after all, he said.

“We start with what the clients are looking for in terms of their goals and then we go from there,” Haskins said. “We just ask questions, challenge them. It gives you an opportunity to put things on the table.”

Church leaders who are not certified counselors said they will refer couples to a professional if issues arise that they feel are beyond their skills.

“Sometimes we quickly need to know our limitations,” Malenfant said. “There have been couples where I have said, ‘You really need to see a trained professional counselor’ and then I make recommendations and they either do or they don’t. We don’t force them.”

Even if marriage counseling is not required, Eoff recommends considering it.

“Your wedding day is not the end. It’s the beginning,” Eoff said. “Put some time into it. You can discover a lot of things about each other even going through books on your own. Just doing something is worth all the time you invest in it.”

Tags: CedarCreek Church, Dianne Haslinger, Here comes The Guide, Joe Malenfant, Lutheran Social Services of Northwestern Ohio, Maumee St. Joseph Catholic Church, Premarital Counseling, Reiso Resources, Ryan Osier, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 9:36 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

It used to be that you graduated from school, married a nice chap or lady, settled into a home, worked the 9 to 5 and raised a happy family. Mom and Dad threw you a nice soiree of a wedding reception and afterward you started playing house. It sounds so easy! Well, things have changed and so have the order in which we do them.

Today’s couples are getting married older and choosing to climb the corporate ladder before marriage. And saying “I do” is no longer just on their parents’ tab. Couples are contributing to the wedding and simultaneously house-hunting for the first time. So budgets are tight and spending is down from prerecession averages to an average wedding cost of $26,989. Here are some ways to keep yourself sane and your wedding budget-friendly.

The first is obvious — set a budget and lock it in. This will be one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding. It’s like being on a diet. You cannot cheat or you will only be cheating yourselves. The budget will help you make decisions because it will either fit your budget or not.

More brides are wearing in-season pre-owned wedding dresses than ever before. Brides are putting their gowns on the market as soon as the week after their wedding to make a return profit. But whether choosing a gently used gown or a new one off the rack, be very conscious of the alterations. A simple hem can cost $200 and taking it in, moving the zipper or altering the bodice can be as much as $500. So make sure there is really a savings to be had.

Get all your costs itemized. Simple charges like cake cutting and corkage fees can add up. Event the “all inclusive” deals have hidden costs.

One-stop shopping at vendors that supply a multitude of services does not always save you money. Often you will find yourself giving in on what you really want and spending more to make up for it. Ask for a price breakdown from caterers and facilities that supply tents, tables, linens, etc., in addition to food. Know exactly what you are paying for and make sure you can’t do better.

Set limits on DIY (do it yourself) projects. The best way is to create a sample to see how much time and cost it really takes to get it done. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. Most importantly, don’t feel like you have to do one. DIY is trendy but it’s not for everyone. Use your talents wisely.

Small and intimate weddings under one roof have many advantages. Large groups require more spending: more food and drink, more tables, more centerpieces, more space, etc. Smaller receptions allow couples to interact more with their guests, often making that DIY project useless because the time spent with people has a greater impact than some craft you made. Having your ceremony and reception at the same location omits added transportation costs and can save you fees on churches and ceremony locations. Additionally it saves on décor and entertainment. The flowers used in your ceremony are easily transferred to your reception with no added delivery costs and your musicians can go right from your recessional music into lively cocktail tunes.

And what kind of wedding professional would I be if I didn’t tell you that hiring a wedding coordinator does, in fact, save you money? Yes, there is a cost for our services. But our expertise and exclusive cost-saving relationships with other professionals makes up for it.

There is no greater savings than the stress-relief and peace of mind that a professional wedding coordinator offers. Being smart with your money starts with hiring one.

Brittany Craig is the principal event designer and coordinator for Crowning Celebrations. She specializes in weddings and social celebrations. Follow her at www.crowningcelebrations.com.

Tags: Brittany Craig, Budget, Crowing Celebrations, Eventista, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 9:19 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

In an economy inspiring many couples to choose staycations instead of vacations and cookouts instead of banquet halls, many brides and grooms are opting for casual, cost-conscious wedding catering alternatives.

Restaurants like City Barbeque, Smokey Bones and even Tony Packo’s have established successful reputations as wedding caterers. Instead of choosing between the standard chicken and steak, families now have the opportunity to offer guests backyard favorites like barbecue ribs, chili, cabbage rolls and gourmet hot dogs — often at a much cheaper cost than a traditional wedding caterer.

Tony Packo’s

Known for its legendary hot dogs and personal endorsement from Toledo native Jamie Farr, Tony Packo’s has been a Northwest Ohio staple for 80 years, serving “authentic Hungarian food” since 1932.

Co-owner Tony Packo III said the catering business has grown rapidly the past few years. The restaurant currently caters about 15 events a month, ranging from corporate events and parties to rehearsal dinners and wedding receptions.

“We started the catering business many, many years ago,” Packo said. “We’ve been doing special events for many years, but over the last eight years or so, we’ve really made the catering business a priority and we’ve spent a lot of time developing this business.”

Now that catering is a more integrated part of the business model, Packo said his restaurant has a trained catering staff as well as an in-depth menu that can be altered to suit whatever clients want for their big day. The restaurant offers fan favorites like hot dogs and cabbage rolls as well as items not traditionally associated with the Tony Packo’s name.

“We cater much more than Tony Packo’s hot dogs,” he said. “We carry in-house favorites like chicken and dumplings, cabbage rolls or the chicken chili. We also carry some dishes not in the restaurant like fresh salad and fresh fruit for when the bride and groom want something fresh for a side.”

Tony Packo’s offers a buffet-style setup with a variety of packages that can be mixed and matched. Packo said the business’s reputation, combined with competitive prices and great customer feedback help make his restaurant a heavy-hitter amongst local catering companies.

“As I look at the landscape of the catering business in Toledo, an advantage we have is that we’re very unique and well-known with a name that people love and we’re extremely price competitive,” he said. “Also, all of our food is cooked fresh daily, which makes customers happy knowing they’re getting something fresh and new every day.”

Smokey Bones

Another restaurant has also garnered a reputation for full-scale catering services. Smokey Bones Bar & Fire Grill has been in the catering business for eight years, but is fairly new to the wedding scene. Carrie Gerke, general manager for Smokey Bones in Maumee, said the restaurant started catering weddings two months ago, mainly rehearsal dinners.

“We have a bulk menu with pulled pork and ribs and it is all buffet style so it can be done more efficiently,” Gerke said. “If you have a need to feed people, we’ve got you covered.”

Featuring everything on the traditional menu, Gerke said Smokey Bones caterers work with clients to provide food that is both tasty on the palate and easy on the wallet.

Cost ranges from $4.99 per person with pulled pork to a full rack of ribs at $16 to $17 per person, she said. Gerke said Smokey Bones doesn’t advertise its catering services, but the restaurant is always open to catering an event.

City Barbeque

City Barbeque is another local barbecue restaurant providing brides and grooms the option of a backyard-style wedding. The business has offered full-service catering options for five years, featuring a wide array of dining options and meal packages.

Karen Bryant, co-owner and catering manager for City Barbeque, said the restaurant caters two to three events per week, mainly rehearsal dinners and wedding receptions. City Barbeque offers a full menu of homemade, traditional barbeque dishes, including barbecue ribs, pulled pork, barbecue chicken and many sides.

City Barbeque offers the option of a live grill or a buffet-style setting. The meat grilled on-site runs from $16.95 to $19.95 per person and consists of a mix of meats, sides, cornbread and a dessert. The traditional, more popular buffet option offers a choice of meats, sides and a dessert made fresh in-house and delivered to the event, Bryant said.

“We have high-quality barbecue at a very reasonable price,” Bryant said. “People can afford it and it’s something they’re going to remember. We make everything homemade and we have enough food that we always have enough for seconds.”

Just weeks before her July 7 wedding, Cherie Jarvis lost her caterer after an ill-timed miscommunication. Wanting to complement her laid-back backyard nuptials with family barbecue, she and her fiancé made the call to City Barbeque.

“I wanted to stick with the backyard barbecue theme so I immediately started thinking about how much I love City-Q,” Jarvis said. “They have good ribs, pulled pork, chicken. I’ve never had anything there I didn’t like.”

Jarvis said cost was not her main motivation for thinking of an alternative catering option.

“I don’t like the whole stuffy wedding where everybody has individual salt and pepper shakers. We just wanted something that was going to be just a party with everybody getting together because we were getting married,” she said. “Everybody is getting together for the bride and groom and celebrating a marriage.”

Tags: Caterers, City Barbeque, Here comes The Guide, Smokey Bones, Tony Packo’s, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 9:16 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

A local photographer is organizing “a new kind of bridal show” geared toward edgier brides with outside-the-box thinking.

The inaugural Bridezilla Ball is set for 5-10 p.m. Jan. 26 at The Toledo Club, 235 14th St., in Downtown Toledo. Admission is $5 with online preregistration or $10 at the door.

Ty Bowling of Ty Photography in Holland said he wants the evening — which will feature more than 50 vendors, live music from DJ Rob Sample and MAS FiNA, hors d’oeuvres, cash bar, contests and more — to feel more like “a crazy fun wedding reception than a business card pushin’ trade show.”

“I’ve been trying to get it going for quite a while, but it wasn’t until The Toledo Club stepped up and wanted to do it with me that I had the proper venue for it,” Bowling said. “I didn’t want to do it in a regular hall. I didn’t want it to feel like a bridal show. I wanted it to feel more like a party.

“It just comes from being frustrated and bored with bridal shows in the area,” Bowling said. “Looking into things online, they are doing much more exciting things out west and in other cities. I just didn’t see anything like that happening here, so rather than complain about it I thought I’d just put it on myself.

“We’re really looking to attract more of the creative, edgier bride,” Bowling said. “We really tried to focus on getting vendors that don’t normally do bridal shows. Just a little more edgy, a little more fun, a little more creative than the norm.”

The vendor booths will be smaller than those typically found at a bridal shows, Bowling said.

“We really want people to meet people rather than meet a booth,” Bowling said. “It’s a lot less of a trade show feel than a normal bridal show.”

There will also be a lounge offering drinks and televisions for grooms or other attendees who want to take a break from the main event, Bowling said, adding he hopes attendees come away with new ideas.

“I hope they just expand their thinking a little bit when it comes to the wedding and think outside the box when it comes to vendors they want to hire or things they want to do,” Bowling said.

The Toledo Club, Leo Marks Jewelers, Bartz Viviano Flowers & Gifts and Mager Designs are also sponsors. For more information, visit “Bridezilla Ball” on Facebook or purchase tickets here.

Tags: Bridezilla Ball, Here comes The Guide, The Toledo Club, Ty Bowling, Ty Photography, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:44 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

By Jay Hathaway, Toledo Free Press Star Staff Writer

Wedding parties and receptions are veritably rife with tradition — some long beloved, and others quite polarizing (“Chicken Dance,” anyone?).

However, several local bakeries offer unique dessert ideas for those wishing to depart from the confines of confectionary custom.

Cake pops — small round cake truffles often served on a stick — are one of the hotter alternatives to traditional cake for all types of parties, including wedding-related events. Kate Theise and Colette Lundberg run Lickety Split Heavenly Chocolates, which specializes in personalized creations for wedding desserts. Cake pops are a large part of their business.

“We do cake pops in a chocolate cup, then we customize [them] for whatever the bridal colors are,” Theise said. “They are served individually, perhaps with a little bit of chocolate or raspberry sauce. It’s a nice individual type of dessert, and they can be done in a variety of flavors.”

For those who are imagining their home creations made with the now-popular cake pop machines, Theise advised that a truly homemade cake pop is a cut above.

“Ours aren’t the traditional cake pops. These taste a little bit different. They are moister than when they are made with the machine,” Theise said.

Krystal Wallace, of Krystal’s Cake Stand, is another local baker who provides cake pops with or without the stick. The latter, she explained, are often referred to as “cake truffles.” She agrees that they are currently en vogue.

“I’ve had people order a whole tower of truffles instead of a wedding cake,” Wallace said. “Right now, I’m doing 200 bride and groom cake pops. They look like little brides and grooms, and will be at the place settings.”

Wallace and Theise agreed that one of the great advantages to using smaller desserts like cake pops is the personal touch.

“It’s elegant, it’s personalized, and it’s something that guests can enjoy at your wedding,” Theise said.

In addition to cake pops, Lickety Split produces chocolate–covered pretzel rods decked in caramel, as well as caramels coated in chocolate, then sprinkled with sea salt. With both of these, the colors are customized to match the wedding colors.

“We really dress them up, so they look like edible pieces of art. [They] are also a nice compliment to a wedding cake.” Theise said.

Wallace shared several other unique ideas, such as serving cookies or cake “push pops” as bridal or wedding party favors.

“I’m doing cupcake towers, as well, which are a huge hit lately,” Wallace said.

Cake in a Cup, 6801 West Central Ave., sells cupcakes exclusively. Co-owners Dana Iliev and Lori Jacobs were featured on an episode of Food Networks’ “Cupcake Wars,” which they won.

“We were surprised at how many people were into doing cupcakes for weddings, because sometimes it’s a little hard for people to go away from tradition,” Iliev said.

Iliev explained that the presentation of cupcakes also provide advantages, because the displays maintain their integrity after the first few servings are taken. Conversely, wedding cake is often “completely destroyed” after it has been cut.

“People take a few cupcakes, and it’s still beautiful,” she added.

Iliev said the “homemade touch” is another aspect that makes a customized dessert special.

“A lot of times, wedding cakes are not really homemade. They look beautiful, but they are not necessarily great-tasting. A lot of times they’re frozen, or the art on the cake table is not even the real cake,” Iliev said. “There are few things worse than bad cake. It’s just not worth it.”

For those wanting something unique or quirky, but are not willing to break from the idea of a large wedding cake, Jeni Charles may be able to provide solutions. She owns Grand Elegance Cakes, and her creations truly live up to the name.

Charles’ 3-D works of art range from simple, hand-sized individual cakes to grand, 3-foot tall giraffes. She said demand for her service is currently on the rise.

“The brides are starting to say, ‘Well wait a minute, I can have my cake look more colorful than the traditional three layers of white stuff,’” she said.

In addition to the actual wedding cake, Charles noted that brides and grooms may wish to have specialized cakes for their parties, too.

“Groom’s cakes are one of the biggest things I’ve been doing. They tend to go a little wild with the personality in the design. People often have told me that the groom’s cake stole the show,” she said, adding that she has used Darth Vader, a Nintendo console and a large cellphone for cake designs.

Though creating cakes can be arduous, Charles said quality trumps quantity when taking on orders.

“I’m not worried about volume. I work out of my home, as a cottage baker. I do one or two cakes a week, max. They can take up to several days to make, but they are more personal,” she said.

Tags: Cake Pops, Dessert, Here comes The Guide, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:41 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Many Toledo-area couples are learning to dance — and having fun while doing it— before their big day, said two local dance professionals.

“It’s one part of your wedding that actually, it’s a life skill,” said Paulette, owner of Paulette’s Studio of Dance, 4853 Monroe St., in Toledo. “The flowers may die and the cake may be gone, but your dancing is something you can do together forever.”

Some couples say they just want to look good for the first dance while others have something sillier in mind, said Alfredo Horna, owner of Alfredo’s Studio of Dance, 5224 Renwyck Drive, Toledo.

“Some couples say, ‘I want to be good,’ and we have others who say, ‘I want to start with something serious and end with something funny,’” Horna said.

Like, “Start with a waltz and end with hip hop.”

Parents also take dance lessons, both Horna and Paulette said.

“A lot of parents want to be able to dance at their children’s wedding. And it’s just as important for parents as the people who are getting married,” Paulette said, adding that many bridal parties learn dances they perform together such as “Gangnam Style.”

Paulette said she has helped couples who have choreographed complex swing routines complete with flips and lifts. Others just want the basics.

“They’ll come in and say, ‘I just don’t want to sway back and forth. I want to look good on the dance floor.’ My saying to them is not to be intimidated,” she said.

“Everyone just says they have two left feet and they don’t. I think everybody can dance. They just need to learn the steps and the patterns.”

At Paulette’s, most couples take between seven and 10 lessons, but some couples have started a year out from the wedding while others have far fewer lessons.

Horna said many couples wait too long before taking lessons. He advised starting about three months before the big day.

“Normally, the problem is that people call a month [away from wedding] at most,” he said. “You’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Give yourself time so you can relax. Enjoy yourself.”

Paulette said couples can start out in group classes to save money and get private lessons closer to the wedding date. She also advised that couples “pick a song that has a special meaning to them, a song that inspires them, a song that they maybe first heard when they first started dating … it can be any kind of song.”

Horna recommended that during the first dance, brides, “look at [the groom] with the promise of forever and he’ll take care of you.”

He also advised couples to just have fun with the dances.

Paulette, whose studio also hosts bachelorette parties, said whether couples take lessons or not, they should practice their first dance before the wedding.

“If you practice, you’re going to be more relaxed and confident during the first dance,” she said.

Couples who have taken lessons report satisfaction after the wedding, Paulette added. And so do moms.

In one case, “The mom was so darn excited, she had emailed me before midnight the night of one of the weddings,” Paulette said with a laugh.

Olivia and Jordan Demchyna took about 14 lessons from Paulette for their 2012 wedding. The couple danced to Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis’ “Crusin.’”

The couple took lessons because, “I could not seeing us getting married and dancing like seventh-graders,” Olivia said.

The bride said that when her bustle accidentally came undone during the dance, the couple’s training helped them carry on — and no one noticed the malfunction.

“[Taking lessons] was a lot of fun, more fun then I expected. I expected it to be a big chore,” Olivia said, adding that even her husband was comfortable with the lessons.

“It was something really nice to do,” she said.

For more information, visit dancetoledo.com and alfredosdancingclasses.com.

Tags: Dance Lessons, First Dance, Here comes The Guide, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:34 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Marriage has been poetically described as “two hearts that beat as one.” But navigating the management of financial issues makes the hearts of many married couples miss a beat.

When planning a wedding and marriage, the financial component of marital life is often overlooked or avoided. Yet money issues remain the most often-cited reasons for divorce. It is not always “till death do us part” as it is “till debt do us part.”

We often avoid talking about money because it is uncomfortable to do so in our society.

There is a phenomenon some relationships develop known as financial infidelity, which can be described as telling lies to your partner about what you spend money on or keeping him or her in the dark about stashes of cash you may have somewhere.

Many people think something as innocent as saying that you have had an outfit for a long time even though the tags are still on it or not telling your partner about that special little account you have at the bank is alright, but really this is a form of financial infidelity.

According to a Harris Interactive poll, it is estimated that one-third of all couples with combined finances have committed financial infidelity. Of those couples, 67 percent said they had a resulting argument, 42 percent said it caused less trust in the relationship, 11 percent said it caused a separation and 16 percent said it ultimately ended in divorce.

This is why Bonnie Weil, a well-known New York psychologist and relationship therapist, refers to financial infidelity as the No. 1 relationship wrecker — even more than sexual infidelity.

So what is so difficult about financial issues and why do so many problems stem from money matters? It largely comes from differences in spending styles. A lot of monetary behaviors are learned in formative years, from how our parents handled — or didn’t handle — money.

There is a lot of correlation on how one was raised and their style of monetary management.

Further, since many more people today are marrying later in life, they bring more assets — as well as debt — to the marriage than in past years, which just adds to the complication.

But fear not! Love will find a way — along with financial planning and management skills that can be learned and applied. All couples need to have a

serious discussion on money matters, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

The first step is to examine your current financial state, asking what are your current assets and liabilities? You must be honest. And while you are at it, you might as well look at your individual credit scores as well. This will give an idea of your partner’s spending habits and financial management skills.  Then, write down your joint short-term and long-term financial goals and make sure these goals are measurable.

Step two is to develop a realistic budget. There is a website, www.mint.com, that can help you set up a budget and track your expenditures from your bank account, update your budget records automatically and warn you if you are going over a budget item. Be sure to look at expenses such as cellphones plans, health insurance and auto insurance as these may be cheaper if combined in a family plan or package.

It is recommended that couples have one joint checking account, but keep their individual checking accounts. Decide on what you are going to pay for jointly and then each make a financial commitment to fund that account while maintaining the remaining funds for personal expenditures.

Having your own “allowance” reduces the friction involved with individual expenditures that the other party may not approve if it were to come out of joint funds.

For more helpful hints and basic financial planning for newlyweds, visit the website www.newlywedfinances.com.

David W. Seeger is president and CEO of Great Lakes Federal Credit Union. He may be contacted at (419) 246-5905 or 1 (800) 442-3488 or via email at dseeger@glcu.com.

Tags: David W. Seeger, financial planning, Great Lakes Federal Credit Union, Here comes The Guide, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:23 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Two years after their Halloween-themed wedding, friends and family still say to Shelly and Digger Pierce, “We had so much fun at your wedding.”

This compliment usually comes when the Oregon couple are guests at a traditional wedding. The Pierces’ big day was anything but traditional.

They lit a jack-o’-lantern instead of a unity candle. The groom and ushers wore Grim Reaper gowns, while the bride sported black and white tights under her gown. The bridal party even danced down the aisle to “The Addams Family” theme song.

The reception took the theme even further. Every guest received a trick-or-treat bag with one of six haunted stories about Northwest Ohio. The cake was ominous-looking with chocolate ganache dripping from white fondant. And a face painter was hired to “Halloween-up” guests, while guests 15 and younger were encouraged to wear costumes to the wedding, on Halloween.

“Both me and my husband have always been into Halloween.We usually have a big Halloween party at our house, so we thought what better way to get married?” Shelly said.

Her friend, Kelly Heuss, co-owner of Puttin’ On the Glitz in Perryburg, said the brides she works with want their day to be unique; they don’t want what everyone else has had.

“Weddings have gotten away from ‘This is what you have to do at your wedding,’” she said. “It has become a very personal thing.”

Heuss’ specialty is creating invitations. Some of the most-requested themes are Broadway, “The Great Gatsby” and, of course, Halloween, a growing trend, she said.

Pierce started her Halloween theme with the save-the-date cards, which read, “Save the date, something old, something new, a Halloween party with a wedding skew.”

The theme carried into the centerpieces, which were antique glass vases with dead branches inside. The bottom of the vases were adorned with glittery skulls.

Even the keepsake for the bride and groom were themed. Instead of a guest book, people signed zombie portraits of them.

“In all honesty, I was a little bit nervous because I have a pretty religious family and I was scared about the intake of it,” Pierce said.

But guests loved it, and most importantly, she and her hubby loved it.

“My perspective of the whole entire night was that everyone had a fun time,” she said.

Heuss said being unique is much more acceptable these days. Brides are leaning toward themes that are inspired by Art Nouveau’s early 1900s ornate look and Frank Lloyd Wright’s stained glass. Mason jars and the rustic look are popular as well.

“It isn’t always outrageous things, people are going classy,” Heuss said.

Justin Chuba, formerly of Toledo, and his fiancee, Bridget Long, are going with a wine theme for their wedding. The couple met when they were both working at Penn State University.

“Our thing is sort of wine,” Long said. “We go to wineries, and when he proposed, we had went on a wine-tasting tour in California and then he proposed at a vineyard.”

Their June 2014 wedding will be at a winery on Put-in-Bay. After their vows are exchanged at a Catholic church on the island, the reception will be hosted at the Doller House winery.

The decorative theme will revolve around wine with the use of deep purple colors and vines. The couple, now living in North Carolina, has an extensive collection of free wine glasses from wineries and those, along with their extensive collection of corks, will be used for centerpieces.

“My big thing is bubbly, so there will be some bubbly,” Long said.

Chuba said their invitations will, appropriately, have wine stains on them. For those guests who don’t like wine, there will be beer.

Newly engaged Shannon Rogacki of Toledo is just starting to plan her wedding, but she is already developing a theme of a barbecue backyard hoedown.

She is envisioning a big tent with sparkly lights, candles galore, pig on a spit, baked beans, corn on the cob and ribs.

“We want to do something that is very relaxed and fun for all ages. We are also planning a bonfire with a s’mores-making section,” Rogacki said via Facebook.

Heuss said anything goes these days, and no theme surprises her anymore.

“It is no longer the stereotypical wedding,” she said.

Tags: bridal, Here comes The Guide, Puttin’ on the Glitz, Wedding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 at 8:18 pm and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes the Guide: Winter 2013, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

For couples who wish to write their own wedding vows, local officiants and wedding experts recommend brevity along with openness.

“[Vows are] kind of a public intimacy. It’s those private intimate things that you share, but you’re doing it in a public way,” said officiant Mark Simon.

Simon categorizes vows into two types: concurrence vows, typically ending in the traditional “I do,” or expressive vows, giving the couple a chance to express promises to each other.

Either way, more couples are opting out of religious vows and emphasizing more personal messages, he said.

Still, that doesn’t mean most brides and grooms are writing their full vows on their own.

“They usually follow a recommendation that I give them and they plug in some variables, so it’s half and half,” Simon said.

April Gladieux, owner of Your Perfect Day, a wedding planning business, said just two couples out of the 90 she’s booked this year wrote their own vows. Still, she encouraged couples who want to try it not to be scared. She also recommended practicing your vows and starting ahead of time.

Simon agreed.

“It’s good to do vows about three months before, because closer to the wedding, [couples’] brains get frazzled and they get writer’s block,” Simon said.

‘A very personal thing’

Gladieux said she gives couples tips on their vows, but doesn’t like to weigh in too much.

“Vows are a very personal thing,” Gladieux said. “I will let them come to me with ideas.”

Heather Zeller, owner of La Boutique Nostalgie wedding planning and a Divinitist Order minister, said she prefers clients to come to her or a fellow minister for help with vows. This way, they can tie other elements of the ceremony together.

Zeller said there seems to be an uptick in more personalized vows. Her favorites have been the more spontaneous ones, she said.

“I really encourage them when it’s time for the vows, just to stand up and speak to one another from the heart,” she said, adding that may make more anxious couples nervous.

Nerves are what stop many from writing and reading their own vows, Gladieux said. She recommended having something written down for vows and placing it in a book or bouquet. A flimsy piece of paper may let guests know if you’re shaking, she noted.

“The best you can mask it, the better you’ll feel and I think the more prepared you’ll be because you’re reading it instead of trying to memorize it,” she said.

‘A good little start’

Gladieux has her own experience with this idea. During her 2009 beach wedding, her husband tucked his customized vows in a Sports Illustrated magazine.

“When he pulled it out, everybody laughed and that helped us to relax and then he read it. It was a good little start,” she said.

Gladieux read a poem she had found about the correlation between love and the beach.

“I would say his came from the heart and mine came from a poem. So they don’t have to be the exact same either. [Couples] can do what’s appropriate for the wedding because everybody’s different,” she said.

Simon said he prefers couples to write their vows down and give them to him for safekeeping until it’s time. He also recommended using large, bold type in case of smearing caused by tears.

Zeller said if brides or grooms get nervous during the ceremony, she tries to relax them with a look or even a prompt if they forget the right line.

“I try to remind them that these are your friends and family. This is not a performance; this is a celebration of your love. We’re all human. We all get nervous. If you stutter over a word or two, that doesn’t ruin the day,” she said.

No requirement for vows

However, not all surveyed officiants were a fan of couples writing their own vows.

“Actually, I discourage them from writing their own vows,” said officiant Susan Spackey. “Generally, it’s easier for a couple [to not read their own vows] especially when they’re standing in front of a crowd of people; they’re nervous and excited.”

Technically, vows aren’t even necessary, Spackey added.

“There really is no requirement to have vows at all,” Spackey said, adding that couples are certainly welcome to include vows and most do.

Most agreed vows are best kept short. Gladieux said vows should be about two paragraphs, or eight to 10 sentences.

Zeller recommended that couples who do wish to write their own vows think about one question: What is the most amazing thing about your spouse?

“One of the best things I ever heard a groom say to a bride is, ‘You have given me the strength to become myself,’” she said.

Gladieux recommended focusing on future plans and goals or promises during the vows.

“Touch on the future to let our audience know, we’re not just in it for a little bit; we’re in it for the long run,” she said.

Tags: Brigitta Burks, Here comes The Guide, Personalized Vows, Traditional Vows, Vows, Wedding

This entry was posted on Friday, August 17th, 2012 at 10:21 am and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes The Guide: Fall 2012, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

A 5K. A backyard campfire. Laser tag. Ultimate Frisbee. Miniature golf. Roller derby. All these activities and more have been incorporated into the bachelor or bachelorette parties of local brides- and grooms-to-be.

Although bachelor and bachelorette parties traditionally include bar-hopping, clubbing, suggestive paraphernalia and plenty of alcohol, there is a party style to fit every personality and some soon-to-be-weds are choosing a different route for their last single fling.

Kevin Clark of Monroe, Mich., and his friends had a cookout, played some folk music and then sat around a backyard campfire. Melissa Kepler of Curtice and her bridal party played laser tag at Q-ZAR and then went out for ice cream.

Andy and Beth Gries of Perrysburg met playing Ultimate Frisbee, so it seemed only natural they would rent an indoor soccer field and toss the disc for their joint bachelor/bachelorette party.

“We had so many fond memories of fun nights playing Frisbee with this group of people together that it was just almost a way to symbolize that we would continue this kind of fun and active life with each other and our Frisbee friends. And we have done just that,” Beth said.

Maid of honor Meredith Diehl of Toledo, second from right, planned a bachelorette party for her sister Megan Parietti, third from right, that included a 5K, miniature golf and attending a roller derby bout. Photo Courtesy Megan Parietti

The couple, who married in 2009, don’t drink much or enjoy bars, so a traditional party did not appeal to them.

Andy’s parents helped organize the game and invited friends to come watch.

“We normally play pretty laid-back, but I do remember running into the wall once and someone else almost hitting me — which in hindsight was probably not very safe for me to do before my wedding!” Beth said. “We had so many people show up that the field was pretty crowded, but it was great to have such a good turnout.

“I would definitely recommend a nontraditional route to others, especially if it includes activities that really mean something to you. Best of all, I could remember the next morning what happened and it is an experience that I will cherish for years to come.”

Meredith Diehl of Toledo went above and beyond her maid of honor duties when planning an entire day of bachelorette activities for her sister Megan Parietti of Plain City, Ohio, prior to her 2011 wedding.

Joined by groom Justin, the group started off with a 5K race followed by a breakfast at Uncle John’s Pancake House. Then the girls took in a round of miniature golf, a walk through Wildwood Preserve Metropark and dinner at Texas Roadhouse before catching a Glass City Rollers roller derby bout.

“I don’t really drink much, so I just wanted to do something fun that didn’t involve alcohol,” Parietti said. “Meredith said to make a list of anything you could possibly want to do and I’ll fit as much in as I can.”

Parietti said her favorite part was all the funny photos the group took while playing miniature golf.

“We lined up all our balls and played the last hole together and just took a bunch of pictures,” Parietti said. “We just joked around and took pictures all day. Just spending that time with everyone and getting to talk was awesome.”

Parietti said she has no regrets about her choice of activities — and hopes she may have even inspired a few converts.

“I loved my way and a couple of my bridesmaids even said, ‘This is the way to go,’” Parietti said. “So maybe I’m starting a trend.”

Alt B

No matter what your style, local business Alt B can help make your dream party a reality, said owner Cortnie Fogo of Oregon. The Toledo-based company plans “alternative mobile parties,” including bachelorette and joint bachelor/bachelorette parties, by partnering with local, female-owned small business vendors.

Cortnie Fogo, owner of Alt B. Photo By Stephanie Jane Photography

Offering pick two ($90 per guest), pick three ($120) and pick four ($150) packages, Alt B offers spa services, makeup, hair styling, chair massage, wine tasting, manicures, henna body art, belly dancing, mini boudoir photo session and more. Groups can also choose to have a casino game night, trivia game show or a sex toy, jewelry or skin care line representative attend. Adding a catered dinner, limo service or on-site child care is also possible.

“Our whole philosophy is ‘Think outside the bar,’” said Fogo, who started Alt B in November 2011. “I want them to feel they can have whatever kind of event or party they want and they don’t have to be pigeonholed into going to a bar or strip club because that’s what everyone does. I coordinate everything. You just show up.”

Belly dancing

Belly dancing is a popular activity for bachelorette parties, said KayLouise, owner of Le Chat Noir in Northwood and founder/choreographer of Mesmeric Belly Dance Fusion.

“It’s perfectly appropriate no matter what size, age or fitness level you are. It’s not a high impact form of movement, so it’s suitable for a lot of people,” KayLouise said. “What people don’t realize is historically, in the Middle East, belly dancing is a social activity that’s done just to socialize with each other. Dancing is taught to younger women by older women. It’s been Americanized for sure. People have in their heads what a belly dancer is supposed to look like, but that’s not at all what it’s supposed to look like.”

KayLouise’s burlesque classes are also popular.

“I’d say it’s about even,” KayLouise said. “The pole dancing thing is getting popular and I think burlesque is a more historic variation. Burlesque predated stripping. It’s associated with the vaudeville circuit and early American theater. What we do is a little softer and feminine and less suggestive. It’s become more popular because of the movie ‘Burlesque.’”

Costs range from $90 for mini-sessions to $300 for a three-hour party. KayLouise also offers hula hoop, chair massages, psychic or tarot card readings and “hairtillery,” which is creating vintage-style hair clips using flowers and feathers.

Toledo Pole Dancing and Fitness studio offers private pole parties for bachelorette parties.

For more information, visit altbtoledo.com, kaylouise.com or toledopoledancing.com.

Tags: Alt B, Bachelorette Parties, Belly Dancing, Cortnie Fogo, KayLouise, Mesmeric Belly Dance Fusion, Pole Dancing, Sarah Ottney, Wedding

This entry was posted on Friday, August 17th, 2012 at 10:18 am and is filed under Brides and Weddings, Here Comes The Guide: Fall 2012, Special Section, Star.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.