Sex & Candy: Taking it like a manWritten by Candy Adams | | email@example.com
Very cool to see your column! Toledo’s a little bit tight-assed about the sex stuff, and I can see you are having fun. So, please help! I have been with the same girl for three years; she’s cool, great, no problems. But I’ve never been able to convince her to, you know, let me enter the “third dimension.” Any advice?
— Back Door Man, Toledo
Dear Back Door Man,
Yes, I have some advice. The next time you are alone, let a medium-size cucumber warm to room temperature, spit on it, try to drive it up yourself, then ask me again.
Seriously, while lots of women (and, of course, at least 10 percent of the guys) dig that action, your Candy has generally been an exit-only kind of gal, with one or three very special exceptions. Besides, God and nature gave you an amazing and wonderful place for intercourse; the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes, it’s not even green. :)
Plus, if you have a woman who gives you access to the “second dimension,” count yourself a lucky man (and always reciprocate!).
If, however, your woman is game for letting you boldly go where no man has gone before, trying easing her into it with plenty of lubrication and some not-too-overwhelming toys. There are also hygiene issues to take care of, so be smart. Go at her pace and do not rush her; one false move and you won’t soon get a second chance.
My boyfriend of six months and I just started to sleep together, and he has asked me to stop trimming and grooming my “bikini zone.” I have always kept that area neat and trim, and I am not comfortable with the idea of carrying around a mini jungle, especially with summer coming up. I don’t want to flat-out say no, but I’m not interested in changing my lifelong grooming habits, either. What do you think?
— Cindy, Rossford
There was a recent episode of “Three and a Half Men” in which they joked about the trend in porn movies being for women and men to be shaved and smooth “down there.” The punchline was that men should no never go bare because “a little shrubbery helps the curb appeal.”
Like in any matter concerning sex and your body, if you don’t want to do it, don’t; it’s a simple matter of respect; self-respect from you and partner respect from him. Still, you have plenty of time before swimming pool and beach season (which, weather-wise in NW Ohio, lasts from June 1 to June 2, right?), so there’s no harm in letting the entrance to the Cave of Wonders grow wild for a few weeks.
Personally, I like my men natural and my women smooth, but I don’t make demands. I don’t like parsley, so I just brush it aside and I don’t let it ruin my meal.
My girlfriend was raised to believe pleasuring herself was “dirty” and she never used to “take solo runs.” With some time, I helped teach her and she really got into it; so much so, that she pretty much just wants to do that and isn’t interested in much else. I suppose I’d be an a-hole to try to go back and convince her it’s a bad habit at this point, but …
— Jess, Toledo
Well, I’ll give you a hand for opening her horizons, but yes, you’d be an a-hole to lay a guilt trip on her now. Poor boy!
I sent your question to my friend Lori Hollander, a dual-master’s degree holder who serves as a couples and sex therapist at the Center for Real Intimacy in Ann Arbor.
“Right now he is left out which is not helping their intimate connection. But there is an opportunity to turn this experience into an act of real intimacy. Let her know how much it would mean to him to learn more about her body by asking if he can watch her pleasure herself and share in the experience in some way.
“This genuine curiosity on his part combined with her willingness to share is intimacy in the making. For example, he could kiss her lips while she is in action or, if she is comfortable, he might position for a good view. More than just a turn on for him, he will be learning exactly how she likes to be touched, such essential information! It takes a serious level of intimacy and trust to share on such a deep level leaving many couples feeling more connected than ever.”
Jess, masturbation is not a substitute for intercourse, or vice-versa.
You and your woman have to find a balance of respect and mutual accommodation.
C-ya next week!
Here are some more hook-ups that didn’t quite happen but could, and some repeat requests. Send me the details (and your responses) at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll try to help you find your obsession.
- Saw you at Chuck’s on Monroe Street Saturday March 6 and can’t stop thinking about you. You: red hair, long black coat, at the bar with two girlfriends. Me: short dark hair, tan collared shirt. I caught your eye when I took my drink and you smiled but left before I could man up to talk to you.
- Ran into you at the bar by the main entrance at the Red Cross Oscar party. You were in sparkling blue with a daring and thrilling low neckline; I complimented your drink choice. You were with a guy but you were not wearing a ring and he did not seem to appreciate your beauty. Let’s meet!
- It was crowded at the EPIC bash at The Blarney March 11, but we spoke a few words by the bandstand. I was in a red blouse; you said you are an attorney but I did not catch where! I’d love to see you again.
- We were in line at Target on Monroe Street three Fridays ago. We laughed at the covers of the celebrity magazines and you made that funny joke about Brangelina. I got caught at the register and you got away. No answer from you last week, but I am trying again because I’d love to see you again! Please reply!
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Tags: Sex & Candy