Baumhower: Hot and hip gift ideasWritten by Jeremy Baumhower | | email@example.com
As self-proclaimed media expert for Toledo Free Press, I am here to help those who suffer from a common ailment — Bad Gift Giving-itis. You know who you are. You gave the gift of Big Mouth Billy Bass in 1998. In 2006 you decided to get everyone Zune MP3 players instead of iPods. Your fall-back gifts are robes and/or slipper socks.
Here is a gift guide to help you transform from “Thank you, Aunt Helen” — horribly moaned like Ben Stein from “Ferris Bueller,” to “Holy sh*t, Aunt Helen!” In fact, if you buy any of the below listed items, please sign the gift tag, To: Bobby. From: Holy sh*t, Aunt Helen!
The absolute home run for anybody who has wireless Internet at home is a Roku. The Roku may be the greatest invention since the iPhone. Roku is a small black box that streams HD content straight from the Internet to your TV. Roku features “channels” from Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Instant Video, UFC, MLB, NHL and YouTube. The Roku is replacing cable boxes across the country — prices start at $59. The new Roku 2 even features games like Angry Birds with a remote control that is motion activated. You can buy it at Roku.com, Best Buy and Target.
Give the craziest show that proves the power of reality TV: give “Sister Wives” seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. “Sister Wives” follows the Brown family, led by a man who is married to three wives and fathered 13 kids then decides to add an additional bride, who has three kids herself. If you have not figured out the math, the Browns are polygamists who live in Utah and are all under one roof.
Now, before you cast the first stone, as we all want to, watch three episodes with a semi-open mind and this family will steal your heart. No matter what religion you belong to, a man bold enough to try to keep four women happy is TV gold.
Bonus: If you give the gift of Roku, then you give the gift of “Sister Wives” as Netflix streams the show.
‘Watch the Throne’
“I arrived on the day Fred Hampton died, real ni**as just multiply” might be the best lyric from 2011 and if you roll up next to my black Town and Country minivan, with standard wheels and an English D on the back, you may just hear Jay-Z say it.
As a 36-year-old white father of four, I can unequivocally say that Jay-Z and Kanye West’s “Watch the Throne” is the best album of the year. The better part is that I am not usually a Hip-Hop fan — I love The Beatles, Elvis Costello and Pearl Jam. “Watch the Thone” from top to bottom is one of the most important rap albums in history, with an unflinching look at real problems in today’s society. The album comes in clean and explicit versions and will make an incredible gift for any music lover. Other great music ideas would be Adele’s “21,” Nicki Minaj’s “Pink Friday,” Ben Folds’ “The Best Imitation of Myself” and Eddie Vedder’s “Ukulele Songs.”
Bonus: If you are giving a gift to someone you can’t stand, might I suggest “Lulu” by Lou Reed and Metallica, the worst album in the history of rock music. Don’t believe me? Listen to the 90-second preview of each song on iTunes and try to figure out if Lou and the boys were ever in the same room together. Double this gift up with a “Kidz Bop” CD for their kids and you will win the War of Xmas 2011.
I Am T-Pain Microphone
If you need another special “payback” type gift, which any parent understands, I fully endorse the “I Am T-Pain Microphone,” which will Auto-Tune any child’s voice to sound just like the rapper T-Pain … SHAWTYYYYY.
Not only is it the most obnoxious thing I have seen since the Big Mouth Billy Bass, it’s super loud, the audio is very good and it plugs into any USB port to get new “updated” music.
The “I Am T-Pain Microphone” is sure to need plenty of batteries, as they tend to come up missing — wink, wink, parents — so make sure to buy extra batteries and hand them to that special child with
clear instructions — “hide these batteries ASAP from mom and dad and remember … nothing says ‘Good Morning!’ at 6 a.m. better than you Auto-Tuned over some T-Pain beats!”
Jeremy Baumhower is a self-proclaimed media expert who writes and produces for morning radio shows across the country. For more self-admired brilliance, please follow him on twitter @jeremytheproduc.
Tags: Adele, Amazon, Auto-Tune, Ben Folds, Eddie Vedder, Elvis Costello, Hulu, iTunes, Jay-Z, Jeremy Baumhower, Kanye West, Lou Reed, Metallica, Netflix, Nicki Minaj, Pearl Jam, Roku, Sister Wives, T-Pain, The Beatles, Wath the Throne