Hubbard: Now we’re thinking again…Written by Ian Hubbard | | firstname.lastname@example.org
I imagine now is the time “culture experts” track their buzzfeeds in hopes of their early year predictions coming true. An old man once advised me to “always stay away from guessing games that aren’t played with a board, unless it brings home the bread.”
That little ditty of wisdom has stuck in my temporal lobe. See, I can never take predictions seriously. Yeah, it’s all good fodder, but it allows too many fools to become prophets. I call them “Little Howies” after the famed Mr. Beale.
Football analysts are the biggest criminals of this. Their word is as good as my mother’s and I know for a fact that she is of higher knowledge. The other day, for instance, I was listening to another ESPN replica cover his projections for Johnny Manziel’s upcoming NFL career. He had that “Forever a jock” voice; the voice yearning to be the high school dick all over again.
“Manziel has the potential to remake the quarterback position on the professional level if given the right offensive scheme,” the analyst said. “He proved himself a wizard with his big play instincts while playing in Kevin Sumlin’s high flying Aggies offense.
“Yes, he’s young and somewhat inexperienced and he isn’t the typical height for a pocket passer. But his arm strength and accuracy on the run have already brought comparisons to Fran Tarkenton and Steve Young. With his sheer talent – if given the right tutelage – I see his name potentially being mentioned in the same breath as today’s elite quarterbacks within a few years.”
It was obvious the guy had his fingers crossed under the table. Now, he may anticipate Manziel dropping a few dimes on unsuspecting defenses – if all goes right. But does the man expect it?
The great problem with sports analysis and cultural analysis and political analysis and guessing who will win the hot dog eating contest is the inconsideration of the unknown.
What if Manziel breaks his leg? What if he becomes the next Heath Shuler? What if Ndamukong Suh eats him for lunch? WHAT IF THE WORLD ENDS BEFORE DRAFT DAY?
So far, I’ve refrained from going back on my word, but there is one prediction I am willing to make for this year: At some point this year, something big is going to happen.
Granted, there are a few integers missing from that prediction. I’m quite sure of my inability to convince you on the what or who or why or how or when or where. Definitely the where, which is the key.
The aforementioned unknown is a mystery lying somewhere between here and heaven. It’s a coin flip. Not one of the common men knows exactly what is going to happen. And neither do I.
On the other hand, I do have expectations and anticipations. Expectations and anticipations are the gut feelings you may not wish to come true. They come with either the utmost confidence of success or the dread of believing something utterly terrible will happen.
That may be splitting hairs on a bald man’s head but that’s fine. This is America; you can think that – for now.
I must say I am excited for the next 12 months. Success is on the table; I just have to get out of bed in the morning. Yet, there’s tribulation lingering.
That’s where the fun lies — in the anticipation for some hellish event that will etch itself in our psyche. What’s going to happen? Where will it happen? Who will be the culprit? Even more important, how will the public react?
Regardless of whether it’s another “terror threat” or a gift from above, I expect the public to react like spastic mongoloids as it always has in times of trouble and times of elation. And with the stack of dynamite we’ve been sitting on since that fateful day in September, it won’t take much to ignite the Northern Hemisphere.
This year is shaping up to be a train wreck. Smell the fear rising. The analysts are waiting to see who will be the next An-Awlaki, Snowden or Miley. And I say “Good! Let’s tear this party up before it comes tumbling down.”
We shall see how it all shakes down. Until then, stay calm and keep your mouth shut – someone may be listening in.