Baumhower: Don’t be fooled with being ‘fine’Written by Jeremy Baumhower | | firstname.lastname@example.org
My least favorite day happens every other week.
Having my kids half of the time is a type of pain you get used to, but doesn’t go away. My ADD serves me best when they are not in my home. There are some moments where you almost forget … almost.
Monday mornings are always a reminder of the type of life we have together. After spending five days together, it feels like it should and once did. Then in a flash you have to pack their bags, tell them to behave and kiss them all goodbye. I don’t know why it affects me in such a way because they’ll return in 48 hours, but it does. It always does.
These “goodbye mornings” riddle my heart with sadness and guilt that my kids have two homes, two completely different lives — a fact I cannot fix. The time-traveling DeLorean must of been the dream of a person with a co-parenting schedule.
My house goes from crazy chaos to stillness. The calm can be deafening, even maddening. My house — once packed with YouTube videos, arguments, tattle telling over sneaked snacks and little ones ringing the doorbell — becomes a ghost town where it appears my children made a dash for it in the middle of the night.
There are some times where my face carries a smile when we say our goodbyes, but I find those fewer and fewer as they get older.
My 8 year-old Joeli joked last night that in 10 years “she was outta here” and we laughed. It seems like such a long way away, but I know it isn’t. For them it will be 10 years, but for me, it will be five.
If you have children and were ever considering or even fantasizing about getting a divorce, these are the mornings no one warns you about.
Yes, my children are “fine,” they’ve adjusted to a life never imagined when they were born. But you as the parent are never “fine.”
“Fine” is an acceptable way to describe a life that has figured out how to live with a pain. It’s a medical diagnosis we give ourselves. When my kids and I are together, you’ll never hear me say that word — it’s my least favorite, least accurate.
I think the word “fine” is tainted because it’s the only repeating group of letters you hear when considering a divorce.
“You’ll be fine.”
“Your kids will be fine.”
“Everything will be fine.”
Who wants to live life where everything is just fine?
Let me tell you from personal experience: “fine” sucks.
Before you secretly sign up for Tinder or accept a friend request on Facebook you know you shouldn’t — try to imagine saying goodbye to your kids every week for the rest of their lives.
If you still have the strength to hit “accept,” you are a stronger person than me.
Think before you “friend.”
Jeremy Baumhower can be reached at email@example.com or on Twitter @jeremytheproduc.