Kelly: Intimacy and marriageWritten by Guest Author | | GuestAuthor@toledofreepress.com
Last week on “The Morning Rush” we had a very interesting discussion with one of our listeners about a topic often avoided: How much intimacy should a marriage contain?
Sara Hegarty had reported a story during our entertainment news feature that featured Tori Spelling’s new show, “True Tori.” Tori’s husband, Dean McDermott, told the cameras that he didn’t think having relations with his wife every two weeks was often enough.
After we discussed this, we got a call from a guy named Rich. He claimed that he and his wife have a contract that specifies how often they have sex. It turns out that his wife has to engage him every 48 hours. If she doesn’t, he’s allowed to step out on his marriage and get fulfillment elsewhere. Before you ask, yes, it does work both ways, and they’ve been married for three years.
Our phones blew up!
The amazing thing about this was there were people that thought it was the best idea since the concept of marriage, and others who felt it was the dumbest idea they’d ever heard. The basic consensus was Rich’s wife, Alli, was insecure.
I wanted to bring this whole concept full circle and get Rich’s wife on the phone with us. She wasn’t available that morning, but after the weekend, and some off-air discussion, we were able to speak with Alli.
I have to tell you, I think I’m OK with the idea. Here’s why:
She knew what she was getting into. After having the opportunity to speak with both Rich and Alli, it was clear that Rich made it known what he expected out of her if they got married. Alli made it obvious that she understood what Rich was asking for. She decided that he was worth the sacrifice, so she agreed.
She could have said no. A lot of people were jumping on Rich for being such a “pig,” but I don’t think that’s what he was doing at all. He said he knew how often he wanted it, and after talking to his fiancée, she was aware as well. She clearly knew she could have said no, but the relationship was (is) perfect.
Here’s the problem I’m seeing. We’re all too quick to pass judgment on other people. We always think we know what’s best for them, but in the end, we can’t even determine what’s best for ourselves. Who cares if this guy wants to have sex with his wife every 48 hours? Is it illegal to expect someone to willingly enter an agreement with you if they know exactly what they’re getting into, and have the opportunity to disagree? No … if anything it’s the way this is supposed to happen.
Too many people are willing to look at this situation and think, “Something has to be wrong with this guy (or this girl) for this to happen.” Does there? Just because it’s not something you would do doesn’t mean it’s not something another person can’t get into.
If you haven’t run into this problem, let’s review now. There are going to be times in your life where you hear someone is doing something you wouldn’t do. Just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t. I can’t understand why someone would want to run to exercise, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a good way to stay in shape.
As I attempt to wrap this column up in a nice little package for you, I leave you with these words of wisdom: There doesn’t have to be something wrong with someone just because they are doing something you’re not cool with.
Sid Kelly is host of “The Morning Rush,” weekday mornings on 92.5 KISS FM.