Hubbard: Wait, what’s going on?Written by Ian Hubbard | | firstname.lastname@example.org
It’s a mad season for those who give a damn about local politics. It’s football season, stupid; the not-so-silent majority are confined to the exciting escapism of the gridiron. Rather than take direction over reality, the rest of Toledo’s citizens are either lost in fantasy or clawing their eyes out over the manufactured circus playing out in our nation’s capital.
A heavier burden is the fact that those who are following Toledo’s encroaching election will keep hush about the damn thing until around the evening of the sixth. That should be about the time when many of the city’s pigskin fanatics, stuck in the lull of the work week, will turn on Channel 13 and ponder, “What the hell happened yesterday and why didn’t anyone say anything to me about it?”
By then it will be too late. But that’s okay, they’ll get over it. City matters mean absolutely nothing to the die-hard fans who watch every football game as though it will be their last week on Earth. They’re not afraid to tell you so; just as long as it doesn’t bother them. They can wait to face the country’s implosion when the worst imaginable ordeal would be seeing their team miss the playoffs or lose their bowl game.
The same attitude is held in those few locals who preach a commitment to something relating to honest political discourse. These cogs stand in favor of dialectic conversation yet writhe when met with opposing perspectives. They refuse to search beneath the glitter for fear of having reality shoved in their face. Instead they follow the course of the remote from channel to channel, anxious for a talking head to deliver an opinion they can hold dear.
The fact remains that, to the local pigskin fanatic and the political hard-on, the battle of Bell vs. Collins lacks the intensity of ‘Bama vs. LSU or the chutzpah of Cruz vs. Obamacare, hence why not many people around here have heard or care much about it. Hell, this election will be old hag once the OSU-Michigan game kicks-off on Saturday, November 30th.
Honestly, it wouldn’t be a surprise if the voting booths are empty on the fifth. There’s nothing for voters to ogle over, no bad guys in black to destroy. The managers for both campaigns should know better. They should know by now that everyone loves a show and yearn for the feeling of being a part of the presentation. Which is why last year’s Presidential election was such a big hit, almost as big as the Super Bowl.
210,621 area voters (according to Lucas County’s online documents) proved that it was the most important election of our lives, the election to end all elections. Even the dormant Glass City geared up with campaign offices propped up across the metropolitan area. The populace was buzzing in debate, if only to vilify those who planned to vote third party out of conscience.
Polling centers were jammed with eager citizens yearning to fulfill their part in our fading democracy by selecting D or R on a digital touchscreen. Every residence and watering hole with a television was tuned in to all of the major news channels plus BET for the results. And when the electoral votes piled up in Obama’s favor, the party was on.
Since then, we have been pelted with a hotter, heavier dose of Elephant and Donkey crap. All the in-fighting has taken the piss out of even the most ardent political junkies and left millions with nothing but the surrogate love of football to help them forget about their lives. It’s been a brutal hangover.
After the hoopla of the government shutdown, the complete failure of Congress to do anything productive and the rampant media blubbering, it’s no wonder why zero enthusiasm is being shown for Bell vs. Collins. The only solution, which honestly would be a fantastic idea for the election, is have the two men line up in full pads at midfield of the Glass Bowl and go toe-to-toe in a best-out-of-three tackling drill.
Take a page from the Romans and let the mob rule from the stadium seats. Why not? What the hell else is there to lose? Maybe then, finally, the pigskin fanatic voting demographic will find a reason to hoot and holler and spill their overpriced beer and punch their significant other and lynch each other over local politics, the same way they do over football. As the immortal George Carlin said, “Even in a fake democracy, the people should get what they want once in a while.”