Baumhower: Damn Yankees!Written by Jeremy Baumhower | | firstname.lastname@example.org
Last Friday night if you happened to drive through Downtown Toledo, you may have thought you were in the middle of a Twilight Zone. A stampede of thousands of cowboys and cowgirls, wearing their finest country apparel, were seen walking toward a Hoe Down at the Huntington Center, to pay witness to Country Music Star, Luke Bryan.
Here’s my question to you Toledo… Do you think we fooled Luke Bryan into believing that Toledoans dress this way everyday? Do you think Luke Bryan got into his tour bus and thought himself …“Toledo Ohio is just like Dallas Texas, except more Northern”? The overwhelming answer would be NO.
Let me be clear, I think that anytime 8,500 people come Downtown Toledo for an event is awesome, especially when it is not a Mud Hens game. However these Country concerts which always sell out, turn into some sort of a Hillbilly Halloween.
If you have yet to be in Downtown on a Country concert night, let me paint you a picture. The city of Toledo magically transforms into the Wild West, with men wearing their brand new cowboy boots, Wrangler Jeans, big ole’ shiny belt buckles and let’s not forget about the Tim McGraw styled hats. The ladies either choose to be conservative country wearing their favorite studded Miss Me jeans or slutty country with their Daisy Duke cut off shorts… I am fan of the latter. The ladies’ tops are normally studded or bedazzled and typically from The Buckle, and they of course have the boots and hats to match.
If I was a Country music singer I would be insulted by the way y’all show up to their shows. To put it into perspective, imagine going to a Kanye West/Jay-Z show or any hip hop concert and everybody in the crowd dressed like RUN DMC, with the heavy gold chains, black fedoras and untied ADIDAS? Another example would be, if you could visualize going to a Mud Hens game and everyone in the crowd was wearing the the full uniform, the Jerseys, the baseball pants with socks, cleats and fitted hats? This is the epidemic that is happening at these country concerts.
If you need proof as to how y’all look at these concerts, check Facebook the following day. I never knew that cowboys and girls loved to take “selfies” so much. Nothing else quite states that “I love this Country life”, better than a picture taken on your bedazzled iPhone from an arms length away and of course, at the higher angle (to hide your other chins). I am still waiting for someone to explain to me the phenomenon of a group of ladies taking overhead pictures of their boots, all toes pointed together in a circle. Honestly, does anyone have this picture hanging on a wall
How many of you reading this that went to the Luke Bryan concert woke up Saturday morning with a headache and sore feet? The reason for your ails is simple… Friday night you pretended to be someone you are not. You put on your semi new cowboy boots, that you may have worn once or twice before to see Miranda Lambert and or Blake Shelton, and you drank way too much draft beer out of your favorite red Solo cups. That is the perfect formula for a bad morning.
Some of you may contend that this is how people dress going to a country event, but I beg to differ. The week before Luke Bryan’s sold out show, the Professional Bull Riders came to the Huntington Center for two nights. Is there anything more country than bull riding? The trick is if you drove through Downtown either night, you would had to ask somebody what was going, because people were dressed like Toledoans.
It can not be stated enough, that the promoters that are throwing these sold-out concerts are doing a fantastic job for Downtown Toledo. The restaurants and bars are packed with patrons, who may or may not be dressed as fools, spending their hard earned cash that I suspect was not earned on a farm or ranch.
If you are wondering why is it that Toledoans don’t dress this way everyday, or even on random Friday nights… it’s because we won the Civil War, were damn yankees!!! So stop trying to fool the Southerners that visit our city and play a fine steel guitar… because you are not.
Please send all hate mail to Michael Miller, head Yankee around these here parts.
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