Baumhower: Yes, Kacee Mae, there is a Santa Claus!Written by Jeremy Baumhower | | firstname.lastname@example.org
This is the time of the year when parents across the world talk about Santa Claus’ famed Naughty or Nice List. This book carries the names of those boys and girls who have been either really good or, like some in my home, naughty. Because of various connections I have acquired, I have obtained a copy of this year’s Naughty or Nice List from a North Pole insider.
Some of the highlights:
Nice: President Barack Obama for his re-election and “Obamacare,” which was upheld by the Supreme Court of the United States in June. I am amused that the GOP is against this concept as much as it is, because it is mandatory by law to have both homeowner and automobile insurance, but when it comes to insuring our most valuable resource — our human bodies, the very thing where “life starts at conception” — they’re against it.
Naughty: Chrysler for its handling and overtaking of the Wrangler Paint Shop, costing 73 local UAW longtime employees their jobs.
There were numerous other options they could have explored, but firing loyal employees to hire cheaper ones was worthy of Ebenezer Scrooge!
Nice: Mayor Michael Bell for his charitable work and one-on-one conversational abilities.
Although I feel the China trips were misguided, Mayor Bell’s love of our city is not. I have witnessed him make a 12-year old-boy feel like the biggest person in the room with a simple conversation.
Bell does this every day. Agree or disagree with his politics, we all can agree he represents Toledoans perfectly.
Naughty: Chick-fil-A’s Chief Operating Officer Dan Cathy for his anti-gay marriage comments earlier in 2012, which spurred a Chick-fil-A customer appreciation day and record sales.
Nice: Local Chick-fil-A owner and operator Michael Herrick for handling the controversy with class and dignity.
As a former employee of Mr. Herrick’s, I know this man’s heart, as I worked side-by side with gay employees. The two new standalone Chick-fil-A restaurants make Northwest Ohio residents’ days a little better.
Naughty: Lucas County GOP Chairman Jon Stainbrook for failing to get highly qualified candidate George Sarantou — or anybody else — elected in the November elections. It appears Santa may still get Jon “Rock Band 3” to help nudge him toward a better career path.
Nice: Any teacher who goes above and beyond to make a difference in a child’s life. Although it’s their job, the far-reaching impact of their compassion and commitment will make a difference for decades to come in Northwest Ohio.
Naughty: Any adult male who chooses to wear meggings (male leggings) or Crocs. Although Santa can bring many things, a clue isn’t one of them.
Nice: The person who invented yoga pants for women and those who choose to wear them. (Thank you.)
Naughty: My own 9-year-old daughter Kacee, for spreading a nasty rumor among the fourth grade at her Sylvania elementary school. Fellow parent and Toledo Free Press writer Shannon Szyperski has confirmed that indeed it was my own flesh and blood, spreading “the truth” about St. Nick to the boys and girls in her class and others.
To those of you children who were affected by Kacee’s blatant misinformation, let me say this. Yes, Kacee Mae, there is a Santa Claus! However, you must believe to receive. Time is running out for you to make things right.
(Editor’s Note: WSPD morning host Fred LeFebvre reads Ogden Nash’s cautionary tale about children who doubt Santa’s existence and spread that story, “The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus,” on this year’s Make-A-Wish benefit CD, “Holiday Wishes 2.”)
Nice: Everyone who donated $1 or more to the Hayes family, read a word I penned, maybe even shared it with a friend on Facebook, or went out of their way to say “hello” and share a compliment or comment. Santa has assured me that you are all on the nice list … and from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
From my crazy family to yours, allow me to quote the great Clark W. Griswold, “May You all have the hap-hap,-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny ****ing Kaye.”
Peace and Love.
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