Baumhower: Lent it beWritten by Jeremy Baumhower | | firstname.lastname@example.org
The time is here for all of my Catholic brothers and sisters to celebrate the 40-day countdown to Easter, otherwise known as Lent. Since Jesus died for all of our sins, the Catholic Church simply asks us to sacrifice one vice to show our abilities to change and not sin. See Mrs. Todd, I did learn something during my fifth grade at St. Clement’s.
I wanted to dedicate my column to offering suggestions of Lenten sacrifices to some Toledoans, who may or may not be Catholic. These are only for 40 days and are a test of your inner strength! There is nothing us Catholics enjoy more than offering suggestions of things others should give up for Lent.
Here are some of my suggestions:
Toledo Blade: Please stop trying to save “historic” buildings that are not historic.
Toledoans: Please stop blaming rising gas prices on your local Speedway clerks. Do you think that the person who changes the slushie machine is the very same individual who chooses the gas prices?
Speedway employees: Now that I gave you 40 days of appreciation from your customers … could you please stop asking me if I would like a king-sized Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups every time I have to pay? My still relatively healthy 10 toes thank you!
Lucas County GOP Chairman Jon Stainbrook: Please stop practicing politics; your sacrifice may help your party.
Chrys Peterson: Is it possible over the next 40 days that you could simply be “mean” just once? I visualize you “mean mugging” somebody out of nowhere. I know, I know, there is no conceivable way this could ever happen as it is not in your DNA, unless you see me out in public.
Maumee Police Department: Could you please stop ticketing drivers who travel 5 miles over the limit … please? I know you are all only doing as directed, but give your citizens a break. To the fine folks at the Sylvania PD, please just continue being perfect. For everyone who chooses to wear blue or brown for a living in Northwest Ohio … be safe not just for 40 days, but every day!
Rookie TV female reporters: Please stop dressing like you just left the club … what looks great at 2 a.m. does not at 6 a.m., especially with TV’s lighting and the green screen behind you. Pro tip: If a small puppy can jump through your hoop earrings, they might not be reporter “appropriate.”
Sports editors, pundits and reporters: Lin-ough is Lin-ough! I know Jeremy Lin is currently the best story in sports and is bringing people like myself back to watching/following the NBA … but can we stop the “Lin” puns at least for 40 days? I am surprised the New York Diocese has not changed this year to “Lin-t.”
Detroit Tigers fans: Please STOP counting the chickens before they hatch! I know the Tigers just signed Prince Fielder, but it’s a very long 162-game season. More importantly I would hate for any of you to jinx them.
Lent sacrifices are a big conversation point at my dinner table, where ketchup, soda and candy have been given up in the past. This year I have decided to forgo shaving until Easter and “Lent” it grow!
Please catch more of Jeremy Baumhower’s Daily Musings by following him on Twitter @jeremytheproduc.