Family Practice: The best of the Szyperski Family 2011Written by Shannon Szyperski | | firstname.lastname@example.org
As Facebook unveils its new Timeline feature, I am further convinced that it is the modern-day family journal. As we reflect upon the year that was, there is perhaps nothing more telling of our daily ups and downs than our year in status:
“https://www.facebook.com/szyperski/posts/1845498987167” February 25
Don’t teach your child his or her name at the same time you teach her the President’s name. Lucy seems to think her name is Lucille Obama Szyperski.
Jack went off and chatted in the corner at the family dance with a couple of girls from school. When Mike asked him what they talked about, he said he told them all about the tsunami and the possible nuclear meltdown. My boy really knows how to woo the ladies!
Oh, the trials of a 2-year-old. Sometimes what looks like a chocolate cake jackpot is really just mud all over the floor (and you don’t know the difference until you pop some in your mouth).
I just left a very professional-sounding message, right up until Laney ran up to me and screamed, “Lucy threw the duck in the toilet!”
Tonight’s bedtime buster? Elaine was too excited to sleep because she is so excited for her birthday party, which will likely be sometime around her birthday, which is October 28th.
Laney: “Mom, my tummy’s so full that I have to adjust how I walk.”
Elaine: “Is today God’s birthday?”
Me: “No, today is America’s birthday. No one knows when God’s birthday is.”
Jack: “Well, don’t you think his wife at least knows?”
You know that book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” There could be a book about Lucy called “Who Put This Cheese Here?” Today’s Special: shredded sharp cheddar sprinkled around the toilet.
Just when I think her antics can no longer shock me, Lucy repeatedly tries to climb the casket at a funeral home visitation.
Jack: “Mom, I asked who thought you were the best Mommy in the whole world and everyone raised their hands! Then I asked if you were the worst Mommy in the whole world and no one raised their hand! Well, Lucy did, but I told her (yelling), ‘Put your hand down!’”
I kind of wish Jack’s soccer program’s teams weren’t named with colors. I’m thinking people might be getting the wrong idea when he loudly references “the black people” and “the white people” out in public.
“https://www.facebook.com/szyperski/posts/2424060570845” September 26
Elaine (excitedly): “Oh, mom! I think I forgot to show you (showing me her right thumb). I think my thumb is getting bigger!”
While reading “Pinkalicious” last night, which is about a little girl who turns pink after eating too many pink cupcakes and has to eat a lot of green things to be herself again, Elaine offered the following observation and declaration:
“Mom, I can tell this book is just trying to get kids to eat more healthy foods. They’re not going to get me.”
“https://www.facebook.com/szyperski/posts/2675065845820” November 23
Jack just told me that if he had three wishes from a genie he would wish for a big cake, a dog, and a Michael Vick jersey. The last two seem contradictory.
“https://www.facebook.com/szyperski/posts/2720740507658” November 30
Elaine, while waiting by the front door for school cloaked in her coat, hat, scarf, and boots, declared with exasperation, “Ah! I forgot to get dressed again!” Sure enough, PJs underneath.
“https://www.facebook.com/szyperski/posts/2848509781810” December 16
Bedtime Story, First Line: “Once upon a time there lived a poor Dutch baker. He never had enough money to buy food.”
Jack (immediately): “What?! That makes no sense. He’s a baker, so he’s the one making food. Seriously, that makes no sense!” And this is why the Szyperskis struggle to be a family that enjoys reading – line by line critiquing, questioning, and/or rewriting of every story, every night, by every child in the room.
Shannon and her husband Michael are raising three children in Sylvania. E-mail her at email@example.com.