Baumhower: Please occupy Toledo!Written by Jeremy Baumhower | | firstname.lastname@example.org
On Oct. 10, the Occupy Wall Street movement reared its head in the Glass City.
Occupy Toledo brought around 150 people Downtown. This is a movement Toledo can and should support, but let’s not tell the protesters. We can secretly switch it to a “Please Occupy Toledo” or “P.O.T.” movement — the protesters will never ask what the acronym stands for.
“BANKS GOT BAILED OUT! WE GOT SOLD OUT! BANKS GOT BAILED OUT! WE GOT SOLD OUT!” were the deafening chants of the protestors. What a perfect opportunity for local restaurants to show their support by bringing food samples to the unruly mob. Can you imagine if Michael Herrick were to bring one of his angry cows from Chick-fil-A with a tray full of that chicken nugget goodness? Or if Tony Packo III brought a CrockP.O.T. full of his family’s famous chicken paprikas? These “P.O.T.” protestors may never leave!
“O-C-C-U-P-Y What does that spell? OCCUPY!” was another chant from the unsatisfied 99 Percenters. Politicians like City Councilman Rob Ludeman should get buses and give tours of their districts to demonstrate firsthand the damage corporate greed has caused. While on the bus, maybe Ludeman, a Realtor, can highlight some of the great buying opportunities in the neighborhood.
“Over to the right, a great fixer-upper …. four bedrooms, two-and-a-half baths, finished basement only $140,000. Its vacancy was caused by an overzealous CEO.”
Make sure all buses stop at our only mall for potty breaks.
“While you’re here, go check out the corporate madness with the sales at the Gap!”
“Hey-hey, ho-ho. Goldman Sachs has got to go. Hey-hey, ho-ho. Goldman Sachs has got to go” were the chants of the disenfranchised. Local employers looking to fill entry-level work can pass out more “P.O.T” propaganda. Litter the frustrated masses with applications to jobs available in town. We can add to our tax base and fill some of the job vacancies. “Temporary Help” please save your paper. We want “Please Occupy Toledo” for the long haul.
“Come gather ’round people Wherever you roam … OHHH’ The Times They Are A-Changin’ ” could be heard from a smooth-voiced and wise Jim Filipiak of the Bridges. Jim would help unite the “Please Occupy Toledo” attendees with sing-alongs of protest songs. Occasionally he may mention that you can hear more of his anti-corporate music like “If I had a Million Dollars” this Friday at The Distillery. The Distillery may even have drink specials like Corporate-Crazies (Kamikazes), CEOs on the Beach, Capitulation instead of Cosmopolitans, etc.
“Please Occupy Toledo” is exactly what our area needs.
Occupy Wall Street, Occupy Boston and Occupy Chicago are all happening in cities with thriving downtowns. These movements are occurring at locations where the “Corporate Greeds” monies are spent. Toledo has few corporate offices left, and that corporate money is normally spent elsewhere.
Let me be clear, I fully support the 99 Percenters who are trying to do something about our upside-down economy, the very same economy that has Toledo on life support.
The Occupy movement may not have an endgame or a focused mission but it seems neither does Toledo. That is why I encourage all Northwest Ohio media entities to help spread the message that our “P.O.T. Movement” is growing! If the local media reports it, the Associated Press reprints it, and it sounds “badass” enough for young hipsters to join it, what harm could it do? These modern-day hippies, free thinkers and corporate fighters need to eat, drink and sleep, right? Toledo supplies great food, undervalued housing and plenty of cheap spirits. The first day of Occupy Toledo was already a success because 150 people went Downtown for lunch on a Monday!
Jeremy Baumhower is a self-proclaimed media expert who writes and produces for morning radio shows across the country. Please follow him on twitter @jeremytheproduc.