Family Practice: 100 minutesWritten by Shannon Szyperski | | firstname.lastname@example.org
Szyperski Residence: An average day
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
11:45 Start folding laundry.
11:50 Someone leaves the bathroom door open. Lucy (then 19 months old) goes in, stands on the toilet, falls off of the toilet and hits her mouth on the counter. Crying ensues.
11:56 Back to folding laundry.
11:57 Jack (then 7 years old) informs me that Elaine (5 years old) and her friend filled bowls with water, drank from them like dogs and then spilled all of the water onto the carpeting.
11:59 Jack attempts a coup of the girls’ room, wrestling takes place in the hallway as a result.
12:01 Water is boiling, time to add the macaroni.
12:02 Back to folding laundry.
12:09 The kitchen timer goes off for the macaroni. On the way to kitchen, I notice that Lucy is soaked with water, has stickers in her hair and in her mouth and has a poopy diaper.
12:13 Pull overcooked macaroni off of stove after finding and discarding all stickers on Lucy. Jack asks for help with his shoes.
12:16 Elaine wants to know where her macaroni and cheese is.
12:17 Change Lucy’s diaper and discover two more stickers inside of her right ear.
12:18 Jack and his friend want me to come outside to see ice that has formed on the sandbox lid.
12:19 Wash hands.
12:21 I notice that Elaine has gone out to see the ice wearing a thin raincoat, a skirt and flip flops.
12:23 Drain the macaroni. Elaine excitedly informs me that the ice is, indeed, real.
12:25 Finish preparing macaroni and cheese.
12:30 Serve macaroni and cheese. Call Jack and his friend in from outside.
12:32 I remember that I turned the oven on to make myself a pita pocket.
12:33 Jack wants help taking his shoes off. I tell him to work it out. His friend helps him.
12:34 Discover only seven of the grapes we have are still good.
12:35 Jack bites into the macaroni and cheese and discovers that it’s whole grain. Despite having had it several times before, he complains, leaves the table and declares, “It’s sick!” Jack is sent to his room.
12:36 Three of the four children remaining at the table ask for a drink.
12:37 Elaine wants to know if she can have Jack’s macaroni and cheese.
12:38 Jack wants to know if he can come out of his room, vowing to eat his macaroni and cheese.
12:40 Jack is allowed out of his room. He apologizes, wants a hug and starts eating.
12:41 Lucy comes out to the kitchen and I notice that I forgot to put pants on her after I changed her diaper.
12:43 Lucy starts yelling for help. I find her two feet behind me standing in a drawer. I start taking her picture when she falls into the drawer and starts crying.
12:45 I go downstairs and find music blaring from the computer. I turn it off.
12:47 I give Lucy apple juice, but she won’t drink it until I pick her up. Elaine wants more macaroni and cheese. I find another sticker in Lucy’s hair.
12:48 Jack and his friend go downstairs and immediately start blaring the music again. I take Lucy to the rocking chair and find yet another sticker in her hair.
12:52 Lucy’s wants off of my lap so that she can dance.
12:53 Wash hands. Prepare feta and tomato pita pocket. Notice garbage can stinks.
1:00 Wash hands. Put pita in the oven. The girls are watching TV and the boys are in the basement playing darts.
1:02 I do a standing check of email and Facebook.
1:05 Back to the kitchen. I discover the trash bag has slipped down and trash has collected in the bottom of the can. Clean out and vacuum bottom of garbage can. Insert new liner.
1:10 My friend walks in.
1:11 Lucy repeatedly attempts to thrust herself over the side of our recliner head first. I stop her several times until she seems to lose interest.
1:15 Jack asks for grape juice for a third time. As I start to pour it, I see Lucy across the room begin to succeed in throwing herself over the side of the recliner. Time seems to stop as her face hits the floor, forcing her neck backward into an awkward and unnatural “V” shape. She lays with her face in the carpeting and doesn’t get up. Elaine tries to grab her, but I yell for no one to touch her. I wait for her to move. She finally gets up for me to hold her. Relief. I hold her tight and she tells me that it’s just her nose that hurts.
1:22 Jack and Elaine head to their friends’ house. I take the slightly-burned pita out of the oven.
Shannon and her husband Michael are raising three children in Sylvania. Email her at email@example.com.