The City of Toledo will target enforce the collection of red light camera fines starting Oct. 1.

The targeted enforcement will run from Oct. 1 to Oct. 31 as an effort to boost compliance and collection of outstanding citations.

Vehicles with two or more unpaid red light camera violations will be at risk of immobilization or towing. To get their cars back, owners will be required to pay their outstanding citations and any fees associated with towing, storage or boot removal.

To resolve outstanding citations, owners can call Red Flex at 1-877-847-2338. The city does not accept collection of red light camera fines.

For more information about collection efforts, call the Toledo Police Traffic Section at (419)245-3143.

Steve Weathers, president and CEO of the Regional Growth Partnership, has been named the new president and CEO of the Savannah Economic Development Authority.
According to the Savannah Morning News, Weather’s appointment to the position was unanimous.

“Obviously someone thought we had a good executive in Steve to hire him away,” said Jim Hoffman, president of Key Bank and vice chairman of the RGP board. “We wish him and his family the best in Savannah.”

Weathers

The RGP will form a search committee in the upcoming weeks to hire Weathers’ replacement.

“This is an opportunity for us to look where the organization needs to go and to hire a leader that is best prepared to lead us in that direction,” Hoffman said.

In 2008, Weathers outlined “Ten Principals for Economic Development” for Toledo Free Press: “I think these ‘Ten Principles for Economic and Community Development,’ if implemented in our region, would serve us well in fully developing the economic potential of our region,” he said.

• Create a vision for the future by incorporating community values and beliefs. Break out of routine thinking. Listen to different community voices. Encourage our youth to participate in their future. Preserve historic and artistic ideas. Imagine an economy without borders. And lastly, focus on what could be, not what is.
• Develop a strategic plan by encouraging citizen participation and collaboration.  Connect community vision to a strategic plan. Determine what success looks like.  Produce SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time based).  Support the strategic plan with appropriate infrastructure and work force. And most importantly, communicate progress and successes.
• Build a sustainable economy for the next generation by seeing a balance between work force, economic and environmental needs. Encourage “buy local” programs. Invest in infrastructure that supports community vitality. Support health care initiatives. Support funding for community libraries. Plan for a skilled work force that will help grow, retain and attract business.
• Seek out private, public and academic partnerships by communicating between the private sector, academic sectors, the community at large and the public sectors. Focus on mutual visions and common goals. Involve all parties with similar vested interests. Understand the distinctive roles in a partnership. Work with community leaders to nurture neighborhoods. Collaborate on work force and economic development projects. And most importantly, seek partnership goals, not personal gain.
• Invest in education and skills training by participating on local workforce investment boards and supporting academic achievement for a global marketplace. Align relationships with state work force and economic development officials. Work with business and labor to close the training gap. Ensure that investments respond to local and regional work force needs.
• Promote respect by acknowledging all ideas and contributions, and critiquing ideas, not people. Give credit where it is due. Learn to compromise. Understand cultural differences. Embrace different learning and communication styles. Realize that integrity and fairness establish creditability. Distinguish facts from beliefs and opinions. And most importantly, listen attentively to others.
• Demonstrate a high standard of ethical behavior by setting and maintaining a high level of expectations for all colleagues, partners and collaborators. Recognize the differences between policy and administration. Stay informed on relevant issues. Follow through on commitments. Make decisions based on what is best for the many. Avoid conflicts of interest.
• Value history, arts and culture by supporting a variety of public art. Promote history, arts and cultural projects in schools. Advocate keeping arts and culture part of the K-12 system. Sustain the operating strength of local museums. Make civic holidays meaningful opportunities to celebrate and support arts and culture in the community. Most importantly, recognize the economic impact the arts and culture community has on the region.
• Prepare for a global environment by insisting on a world-class technology and communications infrastructure. Provide export education and training for the business community. Understand global dynamics that affect local businesses. Support technical assistance to businesses. Promote an understanding of other cultures. Maintain employee training and research.
• Develop future leaders by recognizing the values of the next generation. Promote leadership training programs. Communicate and celebrate the region’s accomplishments.  Develop criteria to evaluate leadership potential. Recruit diversity. Grow volunteers into larger roles. Recognize the regional leaders for all they do for the region.

By now, everybody’s heard about Katy Perry’s cleavage being too hot for “Sesame Street,” and Perry’s pseudo-witty response on “Saturday Night Live.” Perry, however, is just the latest in a long line of guests on the long-running PBS staple — some of whom fit in better than others.
The classic children’s show has welcomed many celebrity guests through the years. A virtual cavalcade of stars has found their way to Big Bird’s neighborhood. But for every performer whose appearance brings a smile to the faces of both adults and children, some leave viewers … well … puzzled. Here are a few of “Sesame Street’s” most head-scratching cameos:
Robert De Niro. Now, right away, you gotta admit there’s something that just feels wrong here. Sure, De Niro’s been making strides with family comedies and such during the past decade, but for most of us, it’s hard to imagine him doing anything but dropping F-bombs and beating someone to within an inch of their life.

Katy Perry and Elmo

So, we were already treading on odd ground when De Niro did a scene with Elmo, discussing being an actor. Then, he mentioned all the kinds of things he can pretend to be … like, say, “a New York City taxi driver, an out-of-shape boxer or a cabbage.” Hmm. What’s weirder: That Bob plugged “Taxi Driver” and “Raging Bull” on a kids’ show, or that he mentioned playing an inanimate vegetable in the same breath as a role he won an Oscar for?
Kofi Annan. It all started innocently enough. A bunch of the monsters on Sesame Street were bickering about who should get to sing the Alphabet song. This clearly has the makings of an international incident. Good thing the then-Secretary-General of the United Nations, Kofi Annan, was waiting right off camera.
Really, the skit was nice, and a lesson about cooperation was learned by all. It just makes you wonder what universe “Sesame Street” is set in, where prominent heads of state have time to settle minor disputes among puppets. Thank goodness Oscar the Grouch wasn’t involved, or a military strike may have been called in.
R2-D2 and C-3PO. An appearance by the iconic droids from “Star Wars” actually seems to fit right into the “Sesame Street” universe. Sure, technically they’re from “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away,” but if we can accept a 7-foot talking bird, the arrival of sentient robots from the distant past isn’t too far of a stretch.
No, things only start to get strange when R2 proclaims that he’s fallen in love, and then shows 3PO the object of his affection — a fire hydrant. It’s hard for anyone with even a slightly dirty mind to hear 3PO’s description of R2’s quasi-lover with a straight face: “Firemen come along, attach their hoses to it, and water comes out.” Also puzzling is 3PO’s final advice to a dejected R2: “It’s better to have loved a fire hydrant than never to have loved at all.”
Ralph Nader. Long before he regularly ran for president, Nader was seen on “Sesame Street” examining the wheels on a red wagon. He introduced himself to series regular
Bob as a “consumer advocate.” Didn’t know shoddy workmanship was actionable in the land of Muppets. Maybe Cookie Monster could sue a bakery for the addictions that have crippled his life?
Bob and Ralph conversed long enough to fire off some one-liners which went completely over the heads of their young audience, and probably most of their parents:
Bob: “Hey, you’re the guy with the great memory, right?”
Ralph: “Memory?”
Bob: “Yeah, I understand that you have … total recall!”
Ralph: “I wish I could recall that joke.”
Pfft. Everyone’s a critic.
Ice-T. Imagine you’re watching a segment with your kid extolling the virtues of rhyming. Children on the street naming words that rhyme. A cute cartoon involving animals with rhyming names. All exactly what you expect on “Sesame Street.” Then, suddenly, you hear the familiar “doinkdoink!” sound effect from “Law and Order,” and now, you’re watching one of the founders of the gangsta rap movement, Ice-T. Surely, you’d think you accidentally changed the channel, right?
Nope, the great T made a brief appearance on “Street” saying how much he loved words that rhyme with “rhyme,” like “time,” “chime,” “sublime” and “mime.” Wait. “Mime?” Really? How much street cred do you lose for talking about loving French street performers on a kids’ show?

E-mail Jeff at PopGoesJeff@gmail.com.

As a radio DJ, I run into artists every day who are looking for an opportunity to work in the music business. Finally, I have an event to refer them to and if they are serious about this business, I will see them Downtown at the Crowne Plaza Hotel at 9 a.m. Oct. 30.
“Put Me On” music workshop is coming to Toledo courtesy of The Juice FM 107.3 and 5Twenty Entertainment. The purpose of this event is to educate artists on publishing, radio spins and how to make it count, legal issues, promoting, marketing, engineering and more.
During the past 12 years the Glass City’s music scene has suffered through showcases that have given Toledo talent false hope and cattle calls from middle men claiming to be able to offer more than they delivered. Now, we have encountered for the first time an event that is here to provide an opportunity for our musicians to compete on all levels. They are bringing New York to Toledo by way of Island/Def Jam Music Groups Vice President of Promotions Thomas Lytle, the keynote speaker at the legends luncheon.
Joining Lytle are A&R’s from major labels like Atlantic Records, Capitol Records, J Records, Universal Motown and Def Jam. You must register in order to attend the event and the initial registration fee is $200. This is very inexpensive considering that the same type of event across the country can cost as much as $5,000.
“Put Me On” workshops consist of several categories that explore topics such as “Who’s Handling Your Business?” a great workshop not only for artists but management as well. “Put Me On” also explores an “On The Rox” reoccurring topic, Image.
“How Do I Market My Product and Myself?” Everyone is hustling so why waste time? Time is money and finding out the most productive way to market yourself will save you both. There are other useful sections they will have available but the ultimate opportunity comes from “Please Listen To My Demo,” one of the most invaluable workshops offered. To be able to receive exposure and feedback from A&Rs and DJs who can (finally) tell you what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong is a musician’s dream! They will only listen to two minutes so make it the best two minutes of your song. Here’s a tip: Eliminate long intros as to not take up valuable time and just include the “meat” of the song, like a verse and the chorus/hook.
Unfortunately, some artists who have created a buzz in the city might deem themselves “beyond” the need of an event like this but there is something for everyone.
The workshops are designed for everyone who desires to elevate themselves to a certain level whether it is national or underground. Each registrant’s “Please Listen To My Demo” selection will be entered into the “Put Me On” contest where the winner will receive a singles distribution deal. Every radio station and its DJs will have the winners single and it will be made available through all music purchasing websites. Artists can register until Oct. 25 and can pick up and drop off forms at Welch Communications, Inc. Suite 101 Southwyck Blvd, Toledo OH 43614. Late registration is Oct. 18-25.
For more information: Call The Juice FM 107.3 at (419) 861-9582 or 5Twenty Entertainment at (404) 926-6225 or visit “Put Me On” music workshop on Facebook.
As we continue on …

I am so excited! Just like a youngster on Christmas Eve. The Ryder Cup begins competition on Friday from Celtic Manor Golf Club located in Newport, Wales. All the players are on site and the golf world is all abuzz over what the pairings will be for the first matches.

How the matches actually came about is somewhat of a mystery. Sylvanus Germain, the father of golf in Toledo, has been mentioned as proposing the idea of a golfing competition for prestige and not for money as early as 1921. The first matches were held in 1927 and pitted a team from the United States against a team from Great Britian and Ireland. Over time the matches became quite one sided with the U. S. teams dominating. Continental Europe was added to the mix for the European team in 1979 and since that time the matches have become the white knuckle, stomach churning, tightly contested event that has captured the world golf stage.

I am enamored by the performance of the professional golfers that qualify for the Ryder Cup teams. Every week on tour professional golfers play for themselves only. If they play poorly some week it only affects them individually. However, each man on the Ryder Cup team is playing for the other members of the team and for their country. Because there is only 4 matches being contested in each session the players are much more exposed. Every shot is examined, televised, dissected, and analyzed for the golfing masses. A player is under tremendous scrutiny. In a normal weekly tour event if a player is performing poorly he does not receive any airtime and is basically ignored by the golf media, unless your first name begins with Tiger or Phil. If you play poorly in the Ryder Cup everyone around the world knows it in real time. Players are not even compensated for their participation, a sum of money is donated to each of their charity of choice. These matches are for pride only.

This year’s teams are made up of a unique mixture of veterans and rookies. The U. S. team has five first time Ryder Cuppers; Dustin Johnson, Bubba Watson, Jeff Overton, Matt Kuchar, and Rickie Fowler. They will play a large part in the eventual outcome. Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, World Golf Ranked #1 and #2, are not playing up to their capabilities currently. They must play better or the American Team has no chance. Steve Stricker, Hunter Mahan, Zach Johnson, Jim Furyk, and Stewart Cink round out the U. S. squad. It is always interesting to watch how the Captains choose the pairing for the matches. Long hitters with control players, veterans with rookies, what personalities mesh or collide, these are some of the factors that the Captains must take into consideration when making the pairings.

The European Team, Captained by Colin Montgomerie, is loaded. Lee Westwood, Ian Poulter, Padraig Harrington, Graeme McDowell, Miguel Angel Jimenez, Luke Donald, Ross Fisher, Martin Kaymer, Peter Hanson, golfing wunderkind Rory McIlroy and the Molinari brothers, Eduardo and Francesco. McDowell won the 2010 U. S. Open at Pebble Beach and Martin Kaymer took the 2010 PGA Championship at Whistling Straits.

Friday and Saturday will feature fourball matches in the morning and foursomes in the afternoon. In fourball all four players will play their own ball and the team with the lowest score on a hole will win that hole. The match will continue through 18 holes until one team accumlates more holes than the other or the match will end in a tie with a 1/2 point being awarded to each side. Afternoon foursomes features alternate shot play. Foursomes are historically more difficult for the American Team. If the Americans can end the day on Friday tied or only 1 down to the Europeans and keep it close after Saturday’s team matches they may stand a chance to retain the cup and bring it back to the U. S. after Sunday’s singles matches.

Matt Kuchar has had an outstanding year on the U. S. Tour. This could be a career moment for him. He is a consistent player and has a ton of confidence going into the matches. On the other side, Rory McIlroy is a player to watch. His youth, aggressive style, and unfathomable talent always make him someone to watch.

This is the biggest stage in Golf. Watch how players react under the pressure, how the pairings are made and adjusted after each round of matches and who will excel when that huge spotlight shines on them.

It’s the Ryder Cup. It’s wonderful!

Dog owners whose Fido has mastered the “sit” and “stay” commands may want to catch the latest offering from Toledo Dog Training in Holland.

The canine training center is bringing renowned Frisbee training experts Scott and Deanna Jones from Grand Blanc, Mich. to the area from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Oct. 2 for a disc training workshop.

“We’re always looking to find different things for our students to do after they’ve been through classes and they’re doing really well,” said Tonya Wilhelm, owner of Toledo Dog Training, a 2,400 square-foot training facility started in 2006. “They’re always looking for different outlets, and I’ve always been interested in Frisbee. I just never knew how to get started with it myself.”

After meeting the Joneses at a disc competition earlier this year, Wilhelm decided to bring their knowledge to local dog owners.

Both novices and serious competition-minded dog owners are welcome, she said.

“Because it’s a beginner workshop, they’re going to be teaching us how to throw a Frisbee, how to get the dog to catch the Frisbee and get excited about it, they’re going to talk about safety (the jumping and landing pre- and post-catch can be hard on the bodies of dogs younger than 18 months of age),” Wilhelm said. “If you want to do competition, it’s going to be what you need to know to get started anyway.”

Scott Jones said that while the training is open to “any dog you can think of that likes to retrieve, run and chase,” the breeds he most often sees in the sport are Border Collie, Australian Cattle Dog, Australian Shepherd, Labrador, German Shepherd and Jack Russell Terriers.

The Joneses have several dogs, two of which are disc catchers. Their black lab, Bolareo, has had the most success, taking home multiple awards at competitions, including 2009′s UFO World All-Star throw and catch event. Between them, the Joneses have 15 years’ experience in dog training. Scott is a certified freestyle judge for the International Disc Dog Handlers Association and the U.S. Disc Dog Nationals.

Scott labeled the workshop as a fun way to bond with one’s dog. “You get a good foundation started to start playing Frisbee with your dog, improved recall, proper throwing skills and an understanding of competitions,” he said.

“It is very suited to all levels of dog owners,” Jones said. “The handler just needs to have the basic commands (“sit,” “stay,” “come”) down with their dog. Disc doggin’ (playing Frisbee with a dog) is great exercise for you and the dog,” Jones said. “It gets both of you out of the house to have some fun.”

The workshop is $45 per dog/handler and is limited to 20 dogs. Participants will be accepted until the class is full or three days prior to the session. Up to five non-participating people can also sign up at a cost of $25.

Toledo Dog Training is located at 6128C Merger Drive in Holland. To pre-register or for more information, call (419) 699-7785, e-mail topdog@toledodogtraining.com or visit www.toledodogtraining.com.

Oktoberfest ’10 will close the block of Huron Street between it sponsors, The Blarney Irish Pub and PizzaPapalis. The festival runs from 7 p.m. to 1 a.m. Oct. 1 and 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. Oct. 2 with a $5 admission after 7 p.m. Proceeds will benefit Sylvania Firefighters and Toledo Firefighters Local 92.
Live entertainment Oct. 1 features Jeff Stewart 7 to 9 p.m., followed by the Naked Karate Girls. Dave Pfenning will open for the Naked Karate Girls Oct. 2 at 7 p.m. Former Miss Oklahoma and new Face of FOX Toledo Heather Cook will appear at the event. Oct. 2 will start a free afternoon of activities for families from 4 to 6 p.m. to kick off fire prevention safety week. Sparky the Fire Dog and Walleye team mascots will be in attendance, as well as several local firefighters and the fire safety house. Surprises, giveaways, and the chance to win opening day tickets to the Walleye game will be offered.
Toledo musicians to tour Europe
Amsterdam. Paris. Bordeaux. Nice. Barcelona. Toledo artists and musicians Kyle White, 35, and Jeff Stewart, 41, jet Oct. 3 for a two-week tour of Europe. Along with Sean Lapan and Rob Nolan, the adventures of the four acoustic guitarists will be on video, documented by Stacy Smith.
“It’s exciting to show my friends around all the places that I love, especially Barcelona,” White said. “I like to be submerged in the culture.”
White, who has traveled extensively in Europe, is leading the group to The Last Water Hole in Amsterdam for their first performance Oct. 4. On a previous trip, White said she was able to perform there in an open jam session.
“I ended up playing three nights in a row, but every night they have a different band that hosts the jams, so I played with different musicians every night. The owner was really cool and said, ‘Anytime you come back to Amsterdam, you have a gig here’,” White said.
The group of singers and songwriters are planning to play in cafés, Paris Metro stops and wherever the mood strikes them. Stewart, who is also an avid painter, has been heavily influenced by the French Impressionists and is looking forward to painting in the European landscape.
“I’m going to put myself in those shoes and see what I come up with,” Stewart said. “You get recharged and you get plugged in. Whenever I take a trip somewhere it lights the fire under me. It’s a work thing, a vacation thing … I want to go right now!”
White and Stewart are self-sustaining artists, and are looking to release their own records by the end of the year. White is looking forward to writing new songs on the trip. The group will return to Toledo Oct. 14.
“We’ll have stories for you when we get back,” Stewart said.
2010 Walk to Defeat ALS
The 2010 Walk to Defeat ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) will be held noon Oct. 3 at Flower Hospital on Harroun Rd. in Sylvania. In 2009 the event raised $38,000 with 800 walkers for programs and services for people suffering from the disease in Northwest Ohio.
The mile-long walking path is paved and open to wheelchairs, strollers and pets. This is the seventh year for the fundraising event in Toledo. The event chair, Ruth Moeller, has a team dedicated to walking in the memory of their friend, father, husband and sailor, Paul Moeller. To register, visit www.walktodefeatals.org (Toledo Walk).
Toledo Symphony League recognizes volunteers
The Toledo Symphony League opened its season Sept. 16 with a luncheon. Four women were awarded for their service to the league with Crescendo pins: Beth Bowman of Maumee, Jettie Sansbury of Sylvania, Darlene Carpenter of Maumee and Helen Relation of Sylvania. Chloe Schmitz, one of the League’s scholarship recipients, provided harp entertainment.
Ohioana Library Association names 2010 Ohioana Award winners
Joel Lipman, Lucas County poet laureate and library poet-in-residence, was among 16 recipients of the 2010 Ohioana Awards announced by the Ohioana Library Association. The awards acknowledged those who significantly contributed to the literary, artistic and musical life in Ohio and the U.S. Lipman received the 2010 Pegasus Award, which honors a native or non-native Ohioan for outstanding cultural achievements. Other award recipients of note include Rita Dove, Jorma Kaukonen, and Timothy and James Keny. The Ohioana Awards will be presented at an awards luncheon Oct. 16 in Columbus.
The public is invited to register for the $50 luncheon and a $25 informal gathering Oct. 15, when a reception will be held for the award recipients. The Ohio Arts Council supports the 2010 Ohioana Awards with state tax dollars. For more information about the Ohioana Awards or to make reservations for the Oct. 15 reception or the Oct. 16 luncheon, call (614) 466-3831 or email ohioana@ohioana.org.
Skillet to perform with Papa Roach
The “Monsters of Annihilation Tour” co-headlined by Skillet and Papa Roach will play John F. Savage Hall Oct. 13. The Grammy-nominated group Skillet’s newest album, “Awake,” made a blockbuster debut on the SoundScan/Billboard 200 charts at No. 2 in August 2009 and was recently certified gold by the RIAA. Skillet, who has recently toured with Creed and Shinedown, has cumulative album sales approaching two million. Songs like “The Last Night” and “The Older I Get” garnered Skillet two BMI Music Awards.

Pink Floyd tribute at Cla-Zel

Pink Floyd fans longing to hear the transcendent guitar solo in “Comfortably Numb” in the flesh need not fork over a not-so-small fortune to hear Roger Waters bring his “The Wall Live” show to Detroit in several weeks.

Five dollars and a trek down to Bowling Green this weekend will also do the trick.

The regional Pink Floyd tribute band, Dark Side of the Moon, will perform at the Cla-Zel Theater 8 p.m. Saturday.

The performance comes several weeks prior to Waters’ Oct. 24 show at The Palace of Auburn Hills, which is on his tour to mark the 30th anniversary of the Pink Floyd classic double album, “The Wall.” Available tickets for the show range in price from $149 for nosebleeds to $750 for floor seats.

Dark Side of the Moon is a northeast Ohio-based band that tours regularly throughout the region. The band’s setlist spans Pink Floyd’s output, including gems from 1994′s “The Division Bell” through 1970′s “Atom Heart Mother.” Considerable emphasis is placed on the band’s most acclaimed works, “The Wall” and “Dark Side of the Moon.”

No, David Gilmour won’t be making a Bowling Green appearance to play one of the most epic solos in rock and roll for you. But he won’t be alongside Mr. Waters at the more extravagant affair either (Waters is the only Pink Floyd member at the shows).

Doors for the Bowling Green show open at 7 p.m. The Cla-Zel Theater is located at 127 N. Main St. (419) 353-5000. Tickets are $5.

Kicking off Fire Prevention Week, the Toledo Firefighters Museum will host an afternoon of activities focused on fire safety.

“It’s a good thing for kids and family because we can teach them what to do in case of a fire,” said Bob Wuest, vice president of the museum. “We can expose them to the problems of fire.”

The event runs from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. on Oct. 2 and is free to the public. The Toledo Fire Fighters Museum is located at 918 Sylvania Ave.

The event will feature demonstrations in the smoke room—teaching children to get low and out of smoke—as well as films shown throughout the day. In addition, fire equipment, rigs and ladders will be on display for children to explore and ask questions about, Wuest said.

Fingerprinting by the Toledo Police Department will be available and free smoke detectors will be given out.

For more information about the museum, visit www.toledofiremuseum.com.

I’m experiencing a quarter-life crisis. That’s what my friends and I (OK, maybe it’s just me) are calling this phase of life where we (I) have no idea what to do. Too many choices. I’m probably overexaggerating the crisis part, like a 14-year old sobbing and losing sleep because a boy she has a crush on asked someone else to the dance. It’s the end of her world, right? I’m thinking, “honey, you have no idea.” That’s probably how most midlife, much wiser people would respond to me.
Either way, how are we quarter-lifers supposed to know what route to take, in an online world of seemingly limitless possibilities? Even simple day-to-day activities have too many choices … coffee — iced, hot? Tall or taller? Leave room for cream? Whole milk, skim milk, half and half, soy, vanilla soy? Sugar, honey, Sweet ‘n Low, Splenda, the yellow stuff, ex-lax … ?  For here or to go? Shut the F up, I just want a coffee! Forty choices of toilet paper, 20 types of fishing lures, eight beers on tap, fifteen types of apples. You get my point.
I suppose it helps to know what you want. And what your priorities are. I wish I could insert a video into this section of the column, but instead I’ll paraphrase and you can look up “The Weight of Purpose” on YouTube and watch the three and a half minute video yourself. A friend sent it to me at just the right time. The narrator says, “Where should my focus be? Career? Happiness? Long-term? Short-term? Where’s the balance? … How the hell do you narrow down the scope of what really matters?”
What are the criteria with which you measure your life’s purpose? It’s about the worth of time. The weight of purpose.”
When my mother graduated high school in 1978, she knew she would go to nursing school, graduate and be a nurse. Her mother was a nurse, and her six older sisters also went to nursing school. She would go to Monroe Community College or UT, I mean, TU. And that was that. Now the world is at our fingertips, if you want it. Hello, world. Hello, 10 billion choices. Minus the choice to marry who you want and if you can carry your fetus into full term or not. But let’s not get into politics.
How does one answer the questions laid out in “The Weight of Purpose?” Before, the answers were decided by default. Now, the answers are decided by a few default eliminators like financial or geographical restrictions; the rest is up to our priorities. Whether choosing between lobster and chicken for dinner or deciding on a “career”, priorities are important to have laid out and available for reference. Some wise advice I received from a “mid-lifer” were his priorities: 1. Health, 2. Time, 3. Freedom. Health is advantageous for one who wants to enjoy his time, and with freedom he can decide how he spends his time. And with his time he can do what he loves, spend time with his family or golf.

My priorities might be something similar. Health, definitely. If I’m not healthy, my quality of life is deteriorating. Happiness … pretty vague, but important none the less. As I write these it’s sounding somewhat cliché … like the American Dream. Well something, ahem several things, have gone awry while we Americans have been dreaming. But again, not getting into politics. Even simplifying happiness to find out what makes one happy can help prioritize. Simplifying may even be a great priority in itself!

I certainly don’t have all of the answers, and I’m learning that I won’t no matter what age I am. In the meantime, I am enjoying observing and participating in the choices my friends and I make. Creating events, work, clubs, teams, nonprofits, art galleries, gardens, mead and campfires. My focus is short-term happiness. Travel-mug-size dark roast coffee, leave room for cream.

E-mail Stacy Jurich at star@toledofreepress.com.

Money problems are commonly regarded as one of largest stressors in a relationship. It is easy to imagine how the threat of foreclosure, drained savings or income reductions can amplify a spat by epic proportions.

When a couple finds themselves with no choice but to make significant budget cuts, the tension can ripple across a relationship. Often, those tensions quickly translate into resentful feelings toward the partner or feelings of guilt and failure directed inward.

No doubt, a tough economy is not easy on a relationship.

Yet, a lack of money is not the actual reason for most relationship problems.

The real culprit is how you deal with money as a team of two: are you teammates sharing the same game plan or are you each playing by a different set of rules?

Even when money is plentiful, overlooking the “we” in your financial relationship creates a cost too steep. In fact, divorce lawyer and writer, Wendy Jaffe, notes that wealthy couples often divorce because of financial problems.

But here is the good news. Regardless of income level, you have everything you need to whip your relationship into excellent financial shape if you make the time. Doesn’t sound like a romantic way to spend your night? Hmmm, maybe not. But a sound and trusting financial connection boosts your relationship intimacy. Romantic, indeed.

Here is how to improve your intimacy (financially).

1. Get playful (with the numbers)

Many people slip into unnecessary arguments simply because one or both parties don’t have the full picture.

Mark and Mira needed money to prevent a foreclosure. Mark wanted to borrow against their retirement, but Mira felt risking their financial future was irresponsible.

Was it possible to protect their financial future and protect their home?

Getting playful with the numbers allowed them to consider the actual possibilities together rather than resort to slinging opposing opinions at each other.

And according to the numbers, if they borrow against their retirement and then commit to make monthly payments for several years thereafter, their financial situation will improve. The numbers are worth a thousand unhappy words – averted.

2. Jump in

When a money issue becomes prickly, your partner’s push-back may appear like an all-or-nothing stance. Feeling forced into an opposing corner may trigger you to say white to your partner’s black.

This pattern often sparks feelings of loneliness in a relationship.

For example, when Jane needed a new car, she began eyeing a new, red one. Jim could not believe she would utter such words when their income was stretched thin already.

He could barely resist outlining the sizable flaws around her spending ideas, but he didn’t want the coldness that ensues after these arguments. Instead, he diffused the situation by digging below her expressed interest to find common ground.

“What if I search with you until we find a used car that is very red and very shiny?”

His jumping in with support made his used car idea sounded worthy of careful consideration rather than a fast dismissal.

3. Pass the ball

Often, one partner has more financial aptitude (or pays bills punctually). But if one partner takes full control financially, risks of “financial infidelity” increase.

Some financial experts report that a partner may feel more inclined to short-circuit the system (for example, use secret credit cards) if that partner has no say. Also, if finances suffer a storm, it is easy to blame the driver for the accident.

Following an 80/20 rule, the financially inclined partner takes no more than 80% of the responsibility your finances. The partner with 20% must sign off on major decisions or initiate an alternative plan.

Pass the ball and you become a team sharing responsibility and trust.

4. Bare all

Elliot didn’t think it was a big deal that he under-reported the costs of his various purchases. And Joy “forgot” to mention a loan she never paid off from years before they met. But keeping a financial secret from your partner is akin to misleading intentionally. And that is akin to, ahem, lying.

And lying is never romantic. But playing on the same team, becoming more open, and building trust throughout your relationship is.
Lori Hollander, MSW, MBA, is a couples and sex therapist for the Center for Real Intimacy, 3365 Washtenaw Ave, Suite 208, Ann Arbor, MI 48104

www.RealIntimacy.com