One bite is all it takes to become a vampire salesperson. The sharp bite comes from the teeth of success, and the sensation is gloriously fulfilling.
Yes, the bite of success will transform a salesperson. After that first bite, success runs through his or her veins and creates a thirst only more success can quench. You have seen these vampire salespeople before, perhaps without recognizing exactly who they are.
So, how do you know when one of them is in your midst? They look like regular salespeople, but they do have certain characteristics that, when understood, will help you pick them out of a crowd.
For starters, vampire salespeople achieve extraordinary sales success. Their special powers give them an immense amount of energy; they never seem to rest with people around. Their colleagues may not particularly like them for reasons often hard to articulate. Colleagues may just feel that something is off with “that person.”
However, vampire salespeople are not dislikable. Their customers and the owners of the companies they work for love them. In fact, their likability and impressive sales numbers often cause owners to grant them special favors, give them extra attention, and ignore enforcing rules that apply to the mere mortals in the company.
Vampire salespeople do have special vampire powers. They have heightened senses, the ability to see objectives clearly, and have the ability to move product with incredible speed. This power and focus makes them appear unemotional, uncaring, and unreasonable, but these impressions are only felt by their colleagues — never from their customers.
You should know that vampire powers also come with vampire rules. Like traditional vampires, vampire salespeople must be invited before they can enter a home or an office building. Despite their incredible strength, they simply cannot enter a building without being invited first.
This rule has caused vampire salespeople to develop inventive methods for getting invited into a building. They’ll send handwritten cards, carefully worded emails, and even go so far as asking a friend of the business owner to make a phone call on their behalf. Yes, these folks are crafty. They will stop at nothing to make sure that their prospect invite them in for a meeting, as long as it does not involve any form of dishonesty.
Once they are invited into the room for a meeting, their super sight allows them to always see the next objective on their list. It is nearly impossible to distract a vampire salesperson, they are hyper-focused on achieving success for their clients and for their company. This focus forces them to always look one step ahead, sometimes even two or three steps into the future.
The power of anticipation complements their power of dedication for the work they perform every day. It is hard to surprise a vampire salesperson because they have already mapped out a dozen scenarios and developed best practice sequences for each of the possible scenarios. They also seem to apply this foresight to helping get product delivered after the sale, and will use their super strength to bulldoze any obstacles that may prevent maximum customer service.
Vampire salespeople also react to sunlight differently than normal people. When the sun is up, they cannot spend even one second performing an administrative task. If the vampire salesperson stops prospecting or presenting while the sun is up, his or her skin will catch on fire. So, if you know a person that cannot be bothered with company protocol during these golden hours, you may have yourself a vampire salesperson.
When the sun sets, the vampire is safe to complete administrative tasks. You may see them at work before the sun comes up, or you may receive emails from them in the middle of the night. It is not their fault, you can only blame the sunlight.
What do you do if you see a vampire salesperson? You either hire them, or you become their customer. Those are the only two choices, fighting them or trying to compete against them is futile.
Oh, you want to become a vampire salesperson? You cannot choose to become a vampire salesperson. You may try to emulate them, their behaviors, or their methods, but unless you have the unquenchable thirst for more success running through your veins, you will remain a mere mortal salesperson.