Sex & Candy: Handling a delicate matter and the truth about TigerWritten by Candy Adams | | firstname.lastname@example.org
So, are you up for my big origin story or do you want to get right to the fun and dirty stuff? I thought so. Maybe I’ll just reveal a little about myself each time out. You know, like in a real relationship.
I have been soliciting on Twitter (not that kind of soliciting, honey, dream on) for questions and comments on life, love and sex in Toledo.
What qualifies me to answer your questions? First, I have experience. With men and women. Second, I have friends with experience. Third, I have a ringer for the tough questions; when you need answers I can’t provide, I’ll run them by Lori Hollander, a dual-master’s degree holder who serves as a couples and sex therapist at the Center for Real Intimacy in Ann Arbor, where they know a thing or two about scoring. Or at least, they used to, back when the Wolverines could beat the Rockets.
Lori will help me stay on track and not let me lead you astray.
Let’s dive in. This comes from Katie in Rossford, who says her boyfriend of a year is “good to me and is mostly generous in bed” but who handles her most sensitive area a little roughly: “We’ve talked and I’ve tried to explain how incredibly sensitive my clitoris is; it can hurt if not touched carefully. Any ideas on converting him to a more gentle touch?”
Well, Katie, it amazes me that so many men can dance their Lincoln Log fingers over a micro-mini BlackBerry keyboard like 10 little Anna Pavlovas, but when it comes to touching the clitoris, they act like they’re mashing buttons on an Xbox video game controller.
(Not a lot of nicknames or euphemisms for that precious little area of real estate; one of my girlfriends calls it her “pleasure nut,” but that doesn’t seem likely to catch on. Feel free to send me your pet names or nicknames; that would be a column that writes itself.)
The best course of action, to avoid ego damage, is to show him.
Lay back and let him watch you do what you know feels good. Takes his hand and show him just the right places and pressures. Even the least nimble-fingered fella will catch on with practice. Remember, you know better than anyone what feels good to you.
He’ll enjoy the show, you’ll enjoy the show and hopefully he’ll learn the (velvet) ropes.
Repeat as necessary. You’re welcome. :)
Is it real or …
Our other question this week comes from a number of my girlfriends who are watching their men watch the Tiger Woods coverage and are asking, “Is there really such a thing as a sex addiction or is that b.s.?”
I asked Lori this question, and she said, “Many people say that sexual addiction is merely a fancy explanation for promiscuity, but there are very important differences.
“Rather than simply being distracted by sexual thoughts, sexual addicts are absolutely consumed night and day. Add to that the loss of control that leads them to risk everything they deeply cherish. As one client put it, ‘I don’t want to come completely unglued every time a woman walks into the room, as if I were an adolescent.’
“Tremendous feelings of loneliness, despair and shame are the subconscious triggers for the overpowering urge and meeting the urge is just a maladaptive way to reduce that pain, for the moment, anyway. At the core, sexual addiction is really not about sex at all.”
Not sure that explanation will make Elin feel any better (not sure anything will at this point), but there you go.
Looking to hook up with someone you saw in public but didn’t have the balls to approach? Send me the details (and your responses) at email@example.com and I’ll try to help you find them.
No stalkers, please.
- Saw you at Chuck’s on Monroe Street Saturday March 6 and can’t stop thinking about you. You: red hair, long black coat, at the bar with two girl friends. Me: short dark hair, tan collared shirt. I caught your eye when I took my drink and you smiled but left before I could man up to talk to you.
- We were in line at Target on Monroe Street two Fridays ago. We laughed at the covers of the celebrity magazines and you made that funny joke about Brangelina. I got caught at the register and you got away. I’d love to see you again!
E-mail Candy at firstname.lastname@example.org, follow her on Twitter @SexandCandyStar or friend her on Facebook.
Tags: Sex & Candy