Dear President Obama,
Written by Michael Miller | Editor in Chief | mmiller@toledofreepress.comCongratulations on your historic victory and thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I know you are busy and I greatly appreciate your time.
On June 26 and 27 of this year, my family organized a modest garage sale at our home in Tecumseh, Mich. This involved the labor of myself, my wife, my wife’s brother, father and mother, and light day care for our two young sons.
The goods at the garage sale were mostly gently used baby and toddler items: strollers, walkers, bouncy seats, etc., plus the bins and bags of assorted flotsam and jetsam that you, as a father of two, are undoubtedly familiar with.
Many hours of labor went into sorting, cleaning, separating and presenting the clothes, toys and accessories that accompany modern infants and toddlers. I made sure every article of clothing was stain-free (no one likes a stain), and carefully cleaned the crumbled Cheerios, dried grape juice drops and far less pleasant souvenirs from all of the items.
We made appropriate arrangements with the City of Tecumseh, which included purchasing a $1 permit. We also contributed to the suffering daily newspaper industry by purchasing a classified ad in the (Adrian) Daily Telegram, bolstered the fine weekly newspaper industry by purchasing an ad in the Tecumseh Herald and rode the wave of technology by posting the sale on Craigslist. In addition, we purchased two red helium balloons that helpfully read, “Garage Sale” to tie to our mailbox. We patronized a local bank by taking two $20 bills and having them broken into $5, $1 and 25-cent increments.
One of our neighbors, a garage sale veteran, fashioned two professionally printed “Garage Sale” signs to two new dowel rods, and with the appropriate neighbors’ permission, staked the signs on private property lawns on street corners that lead to our subdivision.
On June 26, bargain hunters appeared at 8 a.m., although our advertised start was at 9 a.m. We were happy to accommodate the early birds and were pleased to see the clothes and toys and flotsam and jetsam associated with modern children start to disappear.
Around noon that day, an employee of the City of Tecumseh pulled into our driveway. As our garage sale permit was purchased and appropriately posted, we expected nothing more than a routine check. But in his city-owned car, he had placed both of our signs, which he pulled from the private property ground on the street corners that lead to our subdivision. He informed us that we were only allowed to have one sign posted, and that sign had to be in our yard on the private property side of the sidewalk. He also informed us that we were not allowed to fly balloons from our mailbox. One of our neighbors later told us that a couple who tied “Happy Birthday” balloons to their mailbox to direct people to a children’s party were fined $75 for doing so.
Being honest, law-abiding citizens who desire no conflict with the City of Tecumseh, we took down our balloons and placed one lonely sign in our yard on the private property side of the sidewalk. A casual driver passing by would see the collection of items displayed on borrowed card tables and probably assume he or she was passing a garage sale, but the sign really did emphasize the point.
However, with no signs on private property lawns on street corners that lead to our subdivision, only those who were scanning the newspaper or Craigslist ads knew we were having a garage sale. Our street is in the subdivision and receives no through traffic at all. As a result, the rest of June 26 and all of June 27 were washouts, with very little traffic and very few sales.
In light of this government interference into our entrepreneurial efforts, I am requesting “Garage Sale Bailout” funding from the federal stimulus package. Please see the itemized list of expenses for which we are seeking reimbursement:
- Original cost of items for sale: $16,500
- Lost sales in garage sale value: $400
- Cost of City of Tecumseh permit: $1
- Cost of classified advertising: Daily Telegram (3 days): $18, Tecumseh Herald (1 issue): $6
- Clorox Wipes, Windex and paper towels: $18
- Gasoline to transport borrowed card tables: $24
- Red helium “Garage Sale” balloons: $6
- Lunch for in-laws who worked garage sale: $21
- Price stickers for items: $2.99
- Depreciation of cars parked outside for four days while garage was full of the clothes and toys and flotsam and jetsam associated with modern children: $200 per car (two cars) = $400
- Cost of cell phone call to Goodwill to pick up unsold items: $2.99
- General frustration at effort of garage sale far exceeding income from garage sale: $1.7 billion.
TOTAL: $1,700,017,399.98
Please remit the check to Michael S. Miller in care of my work address, 605 Monroe Street, Toledo OH 43604. We can also arrange for direct deposit.
Again, thank you for your time and attention to this matter. And if you have any friends looking for gently used baby and toddler items, please look us up on the Ann Arbor or Toledo-area Craigslist sites.
Sincerely,
Michael S. Miller
Michael S. Miller is editor in chief of Toledo Free Press. Contact him at mmiller@toledofreepress.com.
Hell yes Michael! Crazy thing is, this is one of the LEAST ridiculous bailout requests.
This comment was posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 12:41 amYou are way over the top Mike! Great! Reading this was the most fun ive had in a while…
This comment was posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 8:41 amAh, the pleasures of mindless populism.
This comment was posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 amYou know the funny thing is that most of these laws were written with the assumption that the folks enforcing them would be using common sense……
This comment was posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm“I hate Obama and how he’s ruining this country and I’m not going to take it anymore. I can’t bother to read something to understand the rationale of the TARP or any other bailout legislation due to systemic risk, so I’m going to write this snarky column asking for a bailout for my failed garage sale.”
All this anti-Obama, anti-big government rhetoric is nothing but displaced aggression, and this column is a good example of it. Figure out what you’re really angry about in your life (in this case, the garage sale flop) and stop blaming the big bad “guv’ment.”
This comment was posted on July 3rd, 2009 at 5:55 pmRourke, if you want to pay the government to control your life, have at it, but I prefer my freedom. Funny thing is, everything that us “anti-big government” people said would happen, IS happening. Stocks crashed, the dollar is worth nothing and nobody wants it anymore, almost double-digit unemployment, we’ve gone farther into debt in the last six months than the past 30 years combined, taxes on EVERYTHING have gone up (do you make $250k a year?), energy prices are going to skyrocket if cap n trade gets passed, I could write a book. And you were probably one of the same people that hated Bush, even though Obama is doing everything Bush did on a much larger scale, but of course, all you clueless Obama supporters can’t see anything that’s going on around you because your lips are sewn to this asshole’s butt. Obama ain’t doin’ nothin’ new. All this crap has failed in other countries, but now we have to make it fail here to even everything out. TARP? Failed. Bailouts? Failed. Tax cuts? Where? Health care and Crap N Tax? Will fail, because it’s failed everywhere else. Get your head out of your ass and take a look at the world around you, dude, we’re in hell and it’s getting worse every day. PLEASE people, VOTE IN 2010, LETS GET THESE IDIOTS LIKE MARCY KRAPTURD OUT OF CONGRESS AND STOP OBAMA FROM SCREWING US WORSE!
This comment was posted on July 5th, 2009 at 11:38 amWe just have a difference of perception. I prefer the perception of actual reality, where as you seem to prefer skewing reality to fit some bent ideology.
To sum up:
-Stocks crashed before Obama even took office. -The dollar has been on a long decline much before Obama ever took office. Dirty secret: the government and the business community don’t mind so much.
-We still pay relatively low taxes compared to the rest of the world
-cap and trade is the only serious proposal aimed at curbing CO2 emissions. Unless you don’t believe global warming is real, which is your right. But since the vast majority of scientists say its real, and we’re causing it, its time to do something. And cap and trade has worked in the past: take a look at how we got rid of lead in gasoline, or acid rain.
-health care costs are literally running the country into a financial ditch. Its time to do something, something big. The Republicans had 6 years to propose something, and they sat on their hands.
If you think unemployment is bad now, you would really have seen something if the TARP hadn’t passed. The “do nothing” economic policy you are advocating for the government would have been a disaster of epic proportions. Both liberal and conservative economists agreed on that. If you want someone to blame, blame the lack of regulatory oversight, and the big is better philosophy that let these banks get so big in the first place.
There is a huge and monumental difference between Bush and Obama in terms of political philosophy, and if that isn’t evident to you, I would guess there has been a fundamental failing in your education to this point.
This comment was posted on July 6th, 2009 at 1:24 amOf course they crashed before he took office. November 5, 2008 to be exact. I’m sure Obama’s election the day beforehand had NOTHING to do with the stocks having the biggest plunge in history following a presidential election.
As for global warming, I realize that Al gore is one of the greatest scientists to ever exist, but let’s ignore the fact that the BBC has banned his movie from educational facilities because of inacuracies (don’t we look up to Europe?), and let’s ignore the fact that the EPA has recently put out a report that states that man-made global warming has holes, let’s ignore the fact that over 30,000 world reknowned scientists have rebuke the theory, let’s ignore the fact that the world has actually cooled, not gotten hotter, which has been proved by the bus-sized snake remains found last year that died because the world cooled, let’s ignore the fact that the thousands or millions of years the earth has been here is way longer than the 100 or so years man has been industrialized, let’s….oh hell, I could go on all day but I’ll just say it. Man-made global warming, or excuse me, climate change, is not real, it’s crap. It’s about money. There, I said it.
Now allow me to move on to the fact that bailouts don’t work, proven by Ford, the only car company that didn’t take the money, and somehow is the only one of the big 3 NOT in bankrupcy, they didn’t work for Bush, they won’t work for Obama.
Let me fix health care for you….don’t let the insurance companies own doctors, don’t let them negotiate a rate while cash customers can’t…done. Pretty funny how the auto insurance industry is doing alright, but health care refuses to follow the model. I could talk about all the horror stories and death rates among countries with socialized health care, but I don’t feel the need to. This isn’t a Repulican vs. Democrat thing, I am neither. Republicans are nutless, spineless Democrats anymore.
Let me sum this up for ya son, we’re TRILLIONS in debt now, most of it created over the last 6 months. China doesn’t want to buy our debt or trade in the US Dollar anymore. You, your children, and grandchildren are going to be paying for this forever if we don’t stop it. We print money with no backup every day, devalueing the dollar, we borrow and spend fake money. Obama didn’t inherit all this, he created most of it. Just like Clinton and Carter created the housing bubble, just like Bush created fake money with his “economic stimulus” (geez, you think ol’ Bama could have at least changed the name). All you are doing is quoting Obama speeches to me (of course politicians would never lie, nooo), and you are turning your head to the fact that Obama has turned his back all of his tax cuts, taxing health care, etc. Why people are so blinded by this idiot is way beyond me. Oh by the way, look at the track records of all these economists you are quoting, you may be surprised. Rourke, and everyone for that matter, try looking beyond Obama’s speeches and see what is really going on in the world around you.
Your turn, try using facts this time.
This comment was posted on July 6th, 2009 at 12:07 pmAfter Demonrats ,took control of Congress in 2006…taxes, regulations,and spending went INSANE !!! NOW, with a TOTAL one party control of AmeriKa’s politics we have spent…$3 TRILLION we do not have.Real Americans,spent $3 TRILLION of savings,just to get by.And of course, the stock and bond market has lost over $4 TRILLION !!!!Add it all up and we have EXACTLY what B.O. and the Congressional Demonrats DESIRE…. a complete capitualtion of CAPITOLISM to the Chicago style of politics which closely resembles Soviet style thuggery and madness !! Micro-economically…look at Toledo for proof of economic idiocy by 100% total economic jackasses !!!These are FACTS that even twinks in Vero, Florida ,almost( barely though) understand !!
This comment was posted on July 6th, 2009 at 2:32 pmThe stock market started a steep decline beginning in the summer of 2008 and continued through the winter. So you’re going to point to a one day decline, election day, and say that started it all? Pretty disingenuous.
The climate change debate is over, I hate to break it to you. So you say the BBC banned Al Gore’s movie from schools? Does that even make any sense? How does a broadcasting company get to make that decision? They don’t. The move was never “banned”. An English court ruled the movie had 9 errors but was still a factual representation of climate change science, and so could be shown to kids. Pretty easy fact to look up.
Every petition signed by a large group of scientists skeptical of climate change consensus involves very few actual climate scientists. Instead we see medical doctors or researchers in unrelated fields. They just hope you don’t check the credentials of the dissenting scientists, that all you see is the 30,000 number. Seems to have worked on you. Bottom line is the vast majority of scientists who actually do climate science agree that humans have to curb CO2 emissions. That ship has sailed. Sorry. Take your concerns to http://www.realclimate.org and you will sleep better at night knowing the truth.
Bailouts do occasionally work if done properly. 1979 Chrysler bailout comes to mind. Uncle Sam made a tidy $350 million profit four years later.
The profit motive has to be drastically reduced in any new health care system. You wouldn’t want a for-profit police or fire department, would you? Here’s a good article on this. http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande
Most of the debt has NOT been created over the last 6 months. It was mostly created by Reagan and Bush. Bush nearly doubled the national debt, Reagan tripled it (my great grandchildren will be paying for the Reagan Revolution). These two conservative presidencies accounted for two thirds of all the national debt of 200+ years of this country.
I am not happy about the new debt, but at least its going towards retooling this country to compete for the 21st century. Doing nothing while industry and banks collapse was not an option. Didn’t work for Herbert Hoover.
Obama is the smartest president we’ve had in a generation. Nothing about this guy indicates he is trying to destroy America. Read his books, look at his record. He could have been a millionaire a hundred times over on wall street, but he chose to sacrifice all that to serve in the public sphere. Takes integrity.
Dirt, you are taking an important step in tackling your own bias by engaging someone with different views. I have taught many people like you who were sure they knew all they needed to know about things, and one day you may discover that the media you are consuming is steering you down the wrong path. Read the book “Unspun” it will help you sort through the fact and fiction of the media. Question everything, especially the things you are emotionally wont to believe on sight. Challenge yourself to hunt the truth down.
Later.
This comment was posted on July 6th, 2009 at 11:57 pmThe stock market went through a decline in 2008 when Bush’s true democrat spirit really showed through, and fell off a cliff on November 5, since everyone knew what was coming. Unfortunately, they were right.
I don’t need to read any of Obama’s books, and his record is mostly “present”. I know enough about his history, friends, speeches, actions, past jobs, etc. to know that he has little to no interest in upholding the US Constitution, even though he swore to do it in front of the whole world. Which brings me here-show me, great sir, in your country’s Constitution where the government has the right to invest in business, turn a profit, provide health care, or do anything else Obama is doing for that matter…That could really end the whole conversation right there, but I am having too much fun.
Sorry to tell you, but numbers don’t lie. Obama’s debt dwarfs Bush’s no matter how you look at it. And Bush was HARDLY conservative, look it up. Bailouts “occasionally” work? Constitution aside, are those odds good enough to invest trillions in and mortgage the next 3 generations? I think not. Just ask GM or Chrysler how their bankruptcies are going after they got bailed out. I mean, hell, depending on how drunk I am, I can “occasionally” piss through the neighbor’s window into the toilet without spilling a drop, but I don’t make a habit of it. Especially since it’s getting harder to do since it has been proven that the earth’s temperature has dropped 0.7 degrees since 2001. And while we are using references, check out that little EPA report from Alan Carlin that your buddies in DC are trying to cover up that basically says everything us “earth killers” have been saying about the inaccuracies of global warming, or climate change, whatever, for years. But of course, Crap N Tax isn’t about growing government, even though just today they were talking about how to tax INDIVIDUALS on their carbon footprint. I’m never fixing that hole in my exhaust now.
As far as Obama being the smartest president of our generation..well, maybe to his admitted bowling partners, but the rest of us are still looking for “hope”, while the only “change” has been driving the US deeper into the toilet every day while he lies to us. How’s those tax cuts for 95% of Americans going? Oh, the $13 tax CREDIT we got while the tax tables haven’t changed? (For you Obama voters, that means you are getting taxed on it at the end of the year). Tobacco? Gas? Energy? Funny, I never have to show my W-2s when I buy any of these things to state that I make over $250,000 per year….oh yeah, I don’t. I love how he makes it a point to insult our allies and then talks about doing things that he ripped McCain for coming up with in the campaigns. Change, indeed.
I will say, that you have sparked my interest in the “Unspun” book, mainly because 80% of the media in the US leans so far left that they need a backscratcher just to wipe their asses. I’d tell you to check out Glenn Beck’s new book, “Common Sense”, but gosh dangit, it’s sold out everywhere. Maybe people are starting to wake up, thank the Good Lord. Oops, I hope I didn’t offend anyone by mentioning God.
I’m really glad you have chosen to “teach” me, but so far all I have learned so far is how NOT to try to use pseudo-intellectual wannabe wordy insults that only work on the 22 year old liberal college student sipping their latte while discussing their Rolling Stone inspired beliefs on facebook using a coffee-shops WiFi, while the rest of us just laugh. It’s so much easier just to call someone a dick.
Thank you Rourke. I truly am having fun.
This comment was posted on July 8th, 2009 at 2:02 am