Lucas County Republican Party chairman Jon Stainbrook recently said on a FOX Toledo “Talk Back” segment that he often tapes telephone conversations. Stainbrook said these conversations are taped because he is a “journalist.” Putting aside the fact that Stainbrook’s contributions to journalism are on par with my contributions to designer fashion and Arctic exploration, the catch is that the people being “interviewed” apparently do not always realize they are being taped.

This paranoid habit came to light recently when Stainbrook shared with The Blade a taped conversation he had with Republican Board of Elections member Lynn Olman. Olman described the conversation as “private,” a high-road way of saying he did not know he was being taped and did not know his comments would be played for a Blade writer. But many people have been aware for a long time that Stainbrook tapes phone and in-person conversations and carries a video camera to tape everything from former Lucas County GOP director Joanne Wack trash-talking (unaware she was being taped) to his own appearances on local television.

Many people shy away from confronting Stainbrook because he is a career litigant who specializes in nuisance lawsuits. Toledo Free Press has successfully endured two such experiences, but it’s no fun, and it’s costly. Well, it was free last time because the plaintiffs were ordered to pay our costs, but it still takes time and energy.

Now that Stainbrook’s J. Edgar Hoover tendencies have been made public, an e-mail campaign has been started to … blah, blah, blah … it doesn’t really matter, because Stainbrook and his pal, Blade Publisher John Block, have things just the way they want them, which is to say, under a shadow of fear and loathing so thick it could clog a subway tunnel. That the GOP in Lucas County isn’t strong enough to end this situation speaks volumes about its lack of leadership at local and state levels.

It’s easy to imagine Stainbrook in a locked room surrounded by shelves of carefully labeled audio and video tapes, compiled to embarrass people. It’s also fun to speculate what might be on some of those tapes …

• “Jon, uh, Mr. Stainbrook, sir, it’s Carty. Carty Finkbeiner. I, uh, wondered if you’ve heard anything yet from Pittsburgh about that endorsement if I switch back to being a good ol’ Republican. I know J.R. wants Ben Konop in my office, but Jon, uh, Mr. Stainbrook, sir, I tell ya, I’m still the man for the job. I can turn this ship around if I can get four more years. Call me.”
• “Smithers, it’s J.R. Block. All the arrangements for Mud Hens opening day are set. The new scepter should be in by then, and the suite is being recarpeted with the hides of our enemies. I’m disappointed that the Mud Hens couldn’t figure out a way to get our suite to hover over the crowd like a Jetsons car; I was so looking forward to doing the Queen Elizabeth wave during the seventh inning stretch. Anyway, see you then, and keep me posted on who’s seeking endorsements. Oh, and by the way, Satan said no, you can’t have any more cash advances against your soul. He says that’s all tapped out.”
• “Jon, it’s Tom Noe. Just wanted you to know I’ve been reading the Bible a lot in here and learning a lot about forgiveness. The Lord wants me to forgive those who brought about my humbling and those who tried to capitalize on it like leeches clamped on a sunburned leg at summer camp. So, I’m making these calls to let the leeches know I’m working on forgiving them.”
• “Jon, uh, Mr. Stainbrook, sir, it’s Carty again. Just checking in about that endorsement. Call me.”
• “Hey, Stain, it’s Aaron Lewis from Staind. Just calling to remind you there are a number of new T-shirts and items on our Web site. Bottle openers, hats, wristbands, all kinds of good stuff for sale. We’re playing near Niagara soon; stop by for tix at will call and maybe after the show, we’ll all go out to the Falls and stand close to the edge.”
• “Jon Stainbrook? This is Ed Begley Jr. I’m going to have to pass on that offer to play you in your script for ‘Savior: The Jon Stainbrook Story.’ I don’t want to get typecast as wacky.”
• “Jon, are you there? Are you screening? It’s Carty. Come on, pick up. Call me back, damn it!”
• “Hey, pal, it’s Joe Kidd. Any yard signs left if I make another run at council? Could you make me mayor? Call me.”
• “Stainbrook, you @#%@$#, call me back or I’ll launch into your ass like D-Day! Nobody makes me wait! Nobody! I’ve been running this city since you were filling your diapers. I’m Carty Finkbeiner, you @#%@$@. Call me!”
• “Hey, Jon, it’s Jan Scotland. Just wanted to remind you my birthday is coming up. I know you’re not very good with remembering dates.”
• “Jon Stainbrook? This is Michael Miller of Toledo Free Press. I heard you say on Lee Conklin’s show that the Free Press ‘stole your book,’ but I’ve looked all over my office, and I can’t find a copy of ‘OxyContin Addiction for Dummies.’ If one shows up, I’ll get it back to you.”
• “Jon, it’s Carty. Sorry about that last message. I’m just getting anxious for a call from Pittsburgh. Hey, if it helps, I know that Mud Hens hover car thing fell through, but I could give you guys piggyback rides if it would be any consolation. Call me.”
• “Stainbrook, it’s Satan. I need your attorney’s number. And thanks for the Mud Hens tickets. Looking forward to seeing you soon, pal.”

Michael S. Miller is editor in chief of Toledo Free Press. Contact him at mmiller@toledofreepress.com.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 26th, 2009 at 1:00 am and is filed under Lighting The Fuse, Opinion.
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