Looking for a few grains of truthWritten by Jim Ellis | | firstname.lastname@example.org
I know we all still want to do something about the high price of gasoline. Of course, we could drive less, walk occasionally and even take the bus, but we all know that won’t happen. But maybe there is something practical we can all do. The answer to America’s high gas prices might just be looking at you from the bottom of your cereal bowl.
Only a borderline genius-intellectual raconteur like me could come up with a brilliant solution to the energy crisis that requires each and every one of us to do practically nothing and still reduce the oil crisis by producing a new source of ethanol — your morning cereal.
Nutritionists have railed for many years about the incredible amounts of sugar in cereal. Not just the over-frosted, sugar-coated, marshmallow-laden cereals they hooked all of us on as kids, but even the so-called regular cereals have a good chunk of America’s favorite white powder, or the sweet tooth’s other favorite fix, corn syrup baked into their cheery little O’s. Our current adult generation is not only record setters in obesity and diabetic overload, but is the first to continue to crave the super sugar bowl o’ crunch we got as hyperactive kids.
Too much sugar is America’s breakfast of choice. Donuts, Danish sweet rolls and syrup-laden pancakes and waffles join the sugar bowl as morning fare. And I have to point out — all that sugar don’t help your attitude much. Even with a sugared latte.
For the last couple of decades, I have not been big on traditional breakfast fare, but even I have succumbed to the siren song of the cereal killer. I admit it I’ve knocked off the full box of Captain Crunch in a single day.
It would be good for all of us (well, maybe not dentists) to cut back on our sugar overdose. Our responsibilities as consumers would lead us to ask “what do we do with all the extra boxes of sugar cereals?” The answer: ethanol.
As I understand it, we can’t make enough ethanol from corn, which so far is the grain and method of choice, so the latest schemes are to try to make it from woodchips or grass clippings. Now, ethanol is the same as alcohol, which they make from sugar and grains. We make cereal from grains and sugar, so my high school chemistry notes tell me this could work. We can run our cars on sugar flakes and crunch bombs.
It could even become one of those NASCAR sponsorship rivalries. The cars would run on the cereals they advertise: the Froot Loops Ford and the Cocoa Puff Chevy versus the Trix Toyota. The Battle Creek bunch will keep their production high; we get more renewable fuel and every body upgrades the waistline. Everybody wins.
If we still need more ethanol … there’s always beer … What am I saying!?