Celebrity Baby EndorsementsWritten by Aaron Bortz | | firstname.lastname@example.org
Celebrities having babies: Our new pastime. America’s pastime, which was once characterized, by “Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie & Chevrolet” has now become “Athletes, Movie Stars, Baby Suri and E-TV”. America has a fascination with celebs having babies and I’m trying to find a way to get rich off of it. Actually, I think I may have the answer. I’m going to start a baby endorsement company called “My First Endorsement: Celebrities’ Kids Earning Their Keep.” I’ve decided to use the acronym MFECKETK as its trade symbol on the NASDAQ once this thing goes public. It will be a variety of products from celebrities and their children right to your doorstep. All courtesy of me.
Here’s how it all started. My wife and I, who are expecting our third child at the end of this year, were looking at pictures of Tiger Woods’ new baby. As she was goo-goo gaa-gaaing over the sight of a newborn I was searching and searching for some sign of a Nike swoosh. For no reason other than novelty, I kept wondering, was Nike able to sneak a logo in there? Could American Express somehow make its way into the still shot? Was Baby Woods videotaped being driven home in a Buick? Then Reality set in. Tiger doesn’t bring his work home. He would never sell-out for product placement in his first public family photo and by no means would he ever be caught driving around in a Buick. Ever.
Traditionally, celebrity babes are born into the lap of luxury and given a life of wealth and riches without so much as lifting a finger. History tells us that that may not be such a good thing-I’m talkin’ to you Mr. & Mrs. Hilton. That said, I say we teach celebrity babies an early lesson in life. Let’s say nay to coddling, designer shoes and unlimited credit cards. Nay to 6 figure birthday parties, bah mitzvahs and graduations. Nay to the free passes given to so many for so much done wrong.
Let’s take a stand and give them some responsibility. Let’s give them a strong moral fiber from day one and teach them to earn their keep right out of the box. Lets show them that honesty, hard work and dedication can lead to independence and success. Most importantly, let’s put a little extra jingle in my pocket through distribution rights!
Here’s how I’ll do it. While I understand that it’s not reasonable to ask these newbies to start sacking groceries or working at the local hardware at such an early age, I do think that just the right amount of product placement at the right time could go a long way to help cover their share of the formula and diapers. Sort of like, well, “My First Endorsement”.
My brilliant idea? Baby Bumper Stickers. Bumper stickers printed with slogans that you might hear coming from the mouths of celebrity babes. Here are a few examples.
Baby Woods could endorse a bumper stickers that said, “My daddy can whoop your daddy’s A#$ at golf”
Baby Suri could have one that says, “There will be no emotional baggage due to my unrealistic lifestyle and upbringing.”
Paris Hilton (cause mentally she’s still in the crib) could have one that says, “Yeah, what Suri said.”
Rosie O’Donnell’s children could have a bumper sticker that reads, “Why are Mommy and Mommy fighting?”
Britney Spears kids could have one stating, “Caution: Baby on board and probably driving.”
Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, “What the hell’s with all the names?”
Johan Riley Fydor Taiwo Samuel Seal (Heidi Klum & Seal’s baby) in response to Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt’s bumper sticker, “Quit your b#*chin!”
The list goes on and on. I don’t want to show off too many of these gems prior to getting some sort of patent or copyright protection but you get the idea.
Yes, ‘Baby Bumper Stickers’ is our featured product here at MFECKETK. But there are some other ideas in R & D as we speak. I’m also considering a line of celebrity baby bobble head dolls. While I haven’t hashed out all the details, early on it looks like it will be the body of the father with two heads, one of the baby and one the mother. Sort of a family collage/portrait type thing…very eclectic, very Andy Warhol and very collectible. Unfortunately, there is a mountain of legal mumbo-jumbo to wade through with this one and prototyping is a very slow process. Therefore, that project probably won’t be launched till late spring or early summer of 08’, but remember, you can still pick up your baby bumper stickers at fine retailers near you.
That’s all for now from MFECKETK world headquarters. Stay tuned for more exciting product launches and as always, we value your business.
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