Not feeling the draft this timeWritten by Matt Sussman | | firstname.lastname@example.org
When it comes to the NFL Draft, we could all learn a little from Joe Thomas. The offensive lineman from the University of Wisconsin declined to attend this weekend’s draft from the comfort of the green room. His reason? He wanted to go fishing with his father.
Joe Thomas fishes. I’ll be attending a wedding. Either way, Sunday night will be the designated time we both check the Interwebs to find out which players were snagged by which teams. Although by then, Thomas will be rich enough to pay someone to look up that stuff for him.
In any other year, I’d probably stuff the NFL Draft into my weekend itinerary. Not this year. Perhaps I don’t care because there are no local marquee names on the draft radar, unlike last year when we saw UT and BGSU quarterbacks Bruce Gradkowski and Omar Jacobs, respectively, go in the late rounds.
Perhaps I don’t care because, as previously said, I’ll be watching two people vow to love one another for life, which is considerably longer than most “guaranteed” NFL contracts. Or maybe I’ve finally wised up to the realization that ESPN’s
10 hours of coverage on Saturday is filled with just 10 minutes of actual content.
It takes nearly half a day to watch ESPN personality Chris Berman stall between draft picks by pulling out obscure, outdated references (that’s my schtick, and my references are all more recent than 1978). The other time is spent watching canned highlights of football players we’ve heard of for the first time. And during these highlights, a man with enough hair gel to style a small nation, Mel Kiper Jr., is telling us why a 300-pound big boy did or didn’t have the skill set to become a millionaire. And we need that fully spritzed draft analyst to explain it to us, because the highlights all look the same.
And while ESPN analysts are droning on about upcoming picks, some of us are trying to catch up on the picks we missed. Say, for example, you’re a Bengals fan who missed Cincinnati’s first round pick because you had to take your dog to the vet because it mistook the toaster for an eligible young female dog.
When you get back home, you catch the ticker at No. 20, although the Bengals picked 18th. So you have to sit there like a doofus and watch the entire round (or two) scroll through before the ticker cycles back to No. 18. And it’s some non-skill player you heard of for the first time. But at least the vet said Scruffy will be back to his normal self in a couple days.
Yeah. Fishing sounds like more fun.
Visit Matt Sussman’s sports blog at www.futonreport.net.