Carty and the MVLWritten by Kate Boyd | | firstname.lastname@example.org
It is a rare event when a set of images, comments or facts exist in such direct opposition with each other that it actually causes mental vapor lock and brings all thought to a screeching stop.
Vapor lock, for those of you too young to remember, are air bubbles in a fuel system that block fuel ’vapor’ from reaching the carburetor which denies fuel to the engine. This is ”stoppage.”
Incomprehensible information, hitting the brain at full speed, when the brain anticipates logic, causes ”Mental Vapor Lock” or ”MVL.”
MVL is not to be confused with its relatively harmless cousin, the Brain Fart. Brain Farts are usually caused by comedy or irony but can be brought about by more serious matters such as a photo of oneself picking something up in the yard. Taken from behind.
Far from harmless, MVL is total incapacitation causing all activity to cease and the face to undergo a dramatic physical transformation similar to the pictures of TPS School Board President Darlene Fisher The Blade uses. Perhaps you’ve encountered this class of photo; moments in time frozen for eternity in mid-sentence and mid-blink. The dreaded full blown MVL induced by the sinister ”Then and Now” looks eerily like this.
”Then and Now” (T&N), attacks result when presumably reconcilable impressions, generated at two moments in time, are impossible to reconcile. In the common vernacular, the ”Whu … ?” factor.
To classify MVL as being caused by a genuine ”Then and Now” attack, (T&N induced MVL): the rules must be observed.
Occurrences, signs or comments must be related – in direct conflict and from the same source.
Time. Events must be relative in time.
Stoppage. There must be a total cessation of all physical and mental activity.
Facial Modification. The ’Whu…?.’ face must occur.
I recently experienced a bonafide T&N-induced MVL. I was blindsided by quotes from the same individual. The first I read in September or October of 2005, and the second a scant six or seven months later.
Disclaimer: when the first quotes were uttered, this individual was running for a public office and the second, the individual had won that office. Yet even this knowledge wasn’t enough to stave off a full-blown T&N induced MVL.
It is, indeed, rare that individuals voluntarily offer up the severity of confusion required to bring about a full blown T&N-induced MVL.
And yet, this very thing has happened.
In late September of 2005, during the campaign, Mayoral Candidate Carty Finkbeiner made the following statements:
”Dr. Sanders needs to lead this district on a full time basis. He has hurt his and TPS’ creditability by continually seeking greener pastures.”
”Its time for a brand new culture of learning and leadership from Dr. Sanders and the Board of Education.”
”There is an election this November and for the first time in a very long time we have some fresh faces, very qualified, who wish to take a seat on the TPS Board. I suggest that any and all incumbents be replaced by the newcomers”
Toledo, has seen 61.7% of TPS graduates fail to pass the 2005 Ohio Graduation Test, a loss of 7,000 pupils over the duration of Dr. Sanders’ 6 year administration, school closings, Dr. Sanders’ submitted resignation, publicly continued job search and a current multi-million dollar budget deficit.
It’s quite easy to understand the gratitude an overwhelming majority of Toledoans experienced for such plain language during the election process. Yet, about seven months later, in a Toledo Free Press story (”Finkbeiner initiated drive to retain Sanders” by Justin R. Kalmes), Mayor Finkbeiner is quoted as saying:
”In attempting to keep a proven successful superintendent of schools, several businesses and I discussed a variety of options that might be persuasive in our efforts to retain Superintendent Eugene Sanders,” Finkbeiner said. ”In our view, Eugene Sanders was very good for TPS and well worth keeping.”
Kate Boyd is a senior financial account manager who lives in Toledo.