Being a columnist can be toughWritten by Reid Ahlbeck | | firstname.lastname@example.org
In response to one of my recent columns, which lamented the obvious detrimental effects of liberal ideology and lifestyles on the mental and physical well-being of liberals (”The Politics of Health and Beauty,” Toledo Free Press, Jan. 4), Lori Klosowski of Longmont, Colorado was kind enough to inform me that I am (and I’m paraphrasing here) a bigoted white male so-and-so who parrots ridiculous ignorant insulting stereotypes – and furthermore does not even possess the critical thinking skills of an enfeebled Chambered Nautilus (metaphorically speaking, of course).
Klosowski then proceeded to demonstrate her own prodigious intellectual powers (in the portion of her missive deemed unfit for print) in a rather off-color and garbled polemic pertaining to the deployment and configuration of my bodily orifices … and so on and so forth.
Hmmm… such ignorant insulting stereotypes. No facts. No arguments. Only vicious, rambling personal invective. I say ”sex drugs and rock and roll liberalism can be bad for your health” – and I’m an ”ignorant white male bigot.” Go figure.
Why is it liberals, of all people, who so often resort to ugly meaningless ”politically incorrect” racial and sexual slurs these days – even against women, minorities and gays they don’t like?
My primary objective in writing my op-ed column is quite simply to attempt in my own small way to make the world a better place – by trying to expose injustice, debunk falsehood and reveal truth. And no, I’m not going to quibble over the semantics or metaphysics of the word ”truth” here.
Given the generally anti-liberal slant of many of my columns, those unfamiliar with my entire oeuvre may, perhaps not unreasonably, assume that I am one of ”them” i.e. a staunch conservative Republican – or, what some people (especially in the Democratic Donkey vortex of Toledo) might be inclined to disdainfully term an ”Elephant” man.
With apologies to the original Elephant Man, Mr. John Merrick, Esq., let me plainly state that ”I am NOT an animal!”
Obviously words like ”liberal” or ”conservative” are broad brushstroke terms and I, like most Americans, fall somewhere in the middle of our expansive ”bi-polar” political spectrum.
It’s not my fault it just happens to be liberals doing things like destroying American education – any more than it is the average well-meaning educator’s fault if their fancy high-priced training is mediocre and the system dysfunctional.
The truth can be a bitter pill. Being nice and afraid to speak out because someone might be offended often only makes matters worse (we have been ”nice” about education for the past 50 years and look where we are now). Let’s face it, liberals really need to clean up their act.
As those intrepid creators of TV’s South Park cartoon so aptly put it, ”Sure we hate conservatives, but we REALLY hate liberals.” Then there’s P. J. O’Rourke’s succinct definition of liberals: ”They’re thugs!”
Given my limited venue I simply don’t have sufficient column space to address all sides of every issue – nor, frankly, do I owe anyone any explanations. Besides, especially in Toledo, it is liberals who can really benefit from some constructive, albeit at times pointed criticism.
Do I expect any special recognition for my selfless service to humanity, truth, justice and the American way of life? Naw. For me the Lori Klosowski’s of the world leave little doubt there is no alternative but to keep soldiering bravely onward.
As for the vast majority of you supremely intelligent readers out there who, even though you may not always agree with me, at least understand where I’m coming from and appreciate that I’m, well, sort of like Spider-Man – at times misunderstood, but nevertheless doing my best on a limited budget to protect the world from the relentless forces of insensate evil – what can I say? You guys rock! But of course you already know that.
E-mail Reid Ahlbeck at email@example.com.